Adopted by Emma Watson.

【ｔ ｈ ｒ ｅ ｅ】

Well... as it turns out, and I feel really dumb about this -that ever-so breath-taking woman I slammed into, with my ratchet ass body, the audacity that I am still breathing- is famous. I have no clue who the hell she is, but apparently she is rather liked all over the world. And that was why Miss thang was so nervous, she was looking to adopt, well not adopt, she just got very lonely and wanted a friend, and of course she'd go to an orphanage, where there is no internet, or phones. What a smart woman.

So, I got lucky this time, because there was no chance in hell that she'd pick me! Wait, fuck I am older, she would, someone closer to her age, she want a friends. Drats. Nope, I am going to have an appendix burst, that is the only way to get out of this showboat.

As it turns out, I am very good at making people not like me, just ask Mina! Get her to hate me, that'd work. Oh Charlie you are so good, thanks Charlie I know. Yes I talk to myself, sue me.

I rolled out of bed, stuffing my lizard friend into my pocket. Planning to steal some food for her- yes I ended up figuring out she was in fact an Emily, that was the only major joy in my life was finding out my lizard was a woman.

Turns out that today was the dreaded day, everyone stood in a line, a fucking line, what is this? Boat camp? I stood in my spot, stuffing Emily back into my pocket, because only god knows what Mina would do if she found out about Emily, nobody in this bitch, could be trusted. People I considered allies threatened my all time best friend, was I just supposed to leave her unprotected who do I look like? That guy from taken, didn't his daughter get stolen more than once, seems like a bad dad. Speaking of parents, haha get it, I'm in a room full of orphans.

This goddess of a woman was moving down the line talking to everyone, poor whatever the girls name was, Callus is dirty, and lucky me got stuck next to the nose-picking, earwax eating, toe-munching, soap licking, ball scratching, wedging-smelling, mother fucker. This man bumped into a hoe, sending my lizard flying, I was not about to ditch her either. Bros before hoes.

"Emily! Why you, don't touch me," I squealed, looking for my departed friend. I heard laughing from behind me, after finding Emily I shoved her back into my pocket, it was the famous woman, she was laughing.

"What seems to be the problem?" Mina asked.

"This- this, poor excuse of a worm just bumped into me, and almost killed Emily! That's the matter," I shouted.

"You can't kill imaginary friends," the boy mocked.

"Why I outta-" I went forward to hit him, but Mina held me back.

"My office now!" she said sternly. I looked at her hesitantly. Her look of defiance never wavering, I was in big trouble. After being shoved into her office, she sat down, a long silence filled the air. "That woman out there, was looking into adopting you, and because of a lizard you were gonna throw it away?"

"Hey! That's crossing a line, Emily isn't just a lizard, sometimes she pretends she's a goat, she's not too good at it, but that doesn't mean she needs labeled," I smiled proudly, holding Emily up.

"You are going to be the death of me, you know that?"

"Of course. Duh! Wait, did you say that woman is going to adopt me???"

"Yes. you leave in the morning, make sure your shit is packed, I am throwing you out."

"Mina I will run away, don't test me, a hoe is ready to fight you dig tric?" I asked looking at her.

"If you don't like it, just come back," she shoved me out of her office, last night here. Yay....