My First Love ✅

14: A friend's request

Lee Yuna

I never knew breaking up with Mashiho also meant having to distance myself from their group of friends, which also became my friends for the past 5 months, with this I feel like I'm all alone in facing all these problems.

But I think 5 months was enough, because if I bear it for even longer than that, I feel like I'll lose my feelings for Hyunsuk and start falling for Mashiho, but actually I already did, it's just wasn't that deep like how I did for Hyunsuk.

On some days when I'm alone, and usually, I am, thoughts sometimes come to bug me, I suddenly miss the feeling of being treated special by someone, the thought of being in a relationship wasn't really bad after all.

I think about it sometimes, that if Mashiho and Hyunsuk weren't friends, and if I didn't break up with him, I would've fallen for him by now, and I could've built a better relationship with him.

But I know I can never do that with Hyunsuk around.

I just can't resist looking at Hyunsuk when he's around, even though he's so far away, my instincts can't help but search for him immediately when I know he'll be around.

This made me think that somehow this was also partly my fault, I had my eyes glued to someone who's out of reach but what about the guy who was beside me all along? I took Mashiho for granted and I owe him an apology

but not now, I still can't see him because I still have this guilt feeing inside me and I might make wrong decisions of coming back to him all because I feel guilty for taking him for granted, which is another problem, so I try hard to distance myself away from them, even if it means staying away from Hyunsuk.

It is indeed true that people only realize the value of what they had when it's gone.

Another thing that irritates me the most, is the fact that I have to see them in campus every break time or when I'm just simply walking around the school, it's not that I don't like seeing Hyunsuk, it's just that he's always with Mashiho.

But for Hyun, we're still friends but we keep things lowkey to avoid conflict, like when we pass by each other at the hallway, she just simply nods at me as a sign of greeting but I badly want to talk to her about this because she gives the best advice, especially because she's friends with Hyunsuk and she knows best what I am supposed to do.

As for my friends, I also need to talk to them because my mind is clouded with thoughts about a lot of things and I don't have someone to talk to but I also don't want them to think that I'm only there because I need something.

Aish, I'll think about this when my mind is not packed with thoughts.

~~~~~

I was about to head out of the school gates when I suddenly remembered that we have a test tomorrow so I quickly opened my bag to check if I brought my notebook containing all of my notes.

When I failed to find it inside my now unorganized and messy bag, I decided to go back to the building because I think I might've left it inside my locker or on top of my table.

I just hate it that I have to go back up to the fourth floor where my classroom is, this stupid school made a building with a lot of floors in it but didn't bother to make even just one elevator.

I got past 2 floors and was just about to go up to the third floor when I heard a familiar voice echoing from the hallway, it was Mashiho and Hyunsuk talking to each other.

Both voices that I dreaded to hear.

It made me stop my tracks and listen quietly in secret behind the wall of the staircase.

"This is the worse, ever... In the history of my love life" I think that was Mashiho, he sounds sad and the guilt that I was feeling inside got worse because I know he was talking about our break-up.

"I loved her the most..." hearing this, I just want to walk up to him and say I'm sorry even though I know I can't, my guilt slowly ate me up, making a tear well up on the corner of my eyes

"Can I ask you a favor?" My once emotional state suddenly shifted to being alarmed and curious about what he's going to say

"Never date her" I kept quiet to hear the possible response of Hyunsuk

"Do you think... I'm the reason of your break up?" He humbly responded

"No, I just can't see my best friend, date the girl I love" My chest tightened and my heart ached, and once the first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream, I felt like I was crying with the force of a person lifting a whole house up

My chest felt so tight like it was chained by a million padlocks and my stomach felt like it was being twisted and turned in every direction possible, I wanted to vomit, to pass out or just simply lie down on the ground and let a concrete mixer run over me.

I was crying so hard that I had to cover my mouth with my hands so I won't make not even a single sound, but deep inside my heart was shouting out loud and my mind was spinning like it was a ball being dribbled and passed around the court

I wasn't crying because I was guilty, I was crying because now I know that I can't stand a single chance for Hyunsuk because of their stupid agreement.

I know that even before I didn't have a chance but there was still a little hope, but now I feel like the world have taken everything from me, even that tiny voice inside me that says that one day he can like me back, just disappeared.

While I was crying, they had finished their little conversation and went on another way, I quickly ran upstairs to get the notebook that caused me to hear all this, but still I know I had to get that notebook. I may have failed in winning Hyunsuk's heart, but I cannot fail this test tomorrow.

When I entered the classroom, my heart skipped a beat when I saw my old friends that were still hanging out there, so I quickly wiped all my tears and sniffed for a few times, I also kept my head low to hide my puffy eyes and my red nose.

I quickly grabbed my notebook and immediately headed out of the classroom, but when I was about to leave, Cheer called my name which made all their chattering stop to hear what she had to say

"Yuna..." she called out, I turned around and plastered the happiest smile that I can

"I just came by to get my notebook; I'll be out now" I said while trying hard not to burst into tears

"You know damn well that you can't hide those eyes from us" Cheer opened her arms for a hug

Her words made me cry again like a child who lost her mother so I quickly ran to hug her while Kie and Nim joined in,

"Oh, our little Yuna, what happened to you?" She asked, Kie and Nim stroked my hair while Cheer rubbed my back

I tried hard to compose my self and tell them what exactly happened, but I just can't help but shed a few tears while telling them the story while they listened to me with all ears.

"Well at least I have good news for you" Nim said

"What is it?" I responded

"The test is cancelled" Nim said and we all chuckled

We all ended up crying while we reconcile with each other, and at the same time, helping me solve the mess that I got myself into.

I realized that I never lost my friends, in fact, they lost me, but today I proved that they're the people who are always there for me and I love them.

We'll go through this, together.