༄ 𝘞𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘍𝘪𝘳𝘦 (𝘗𝘊) ༄

Chapter 15: Ana Loses Her Temper

"Ana!" came Peter's voice from behind. "Stop, please. We need to talk." He sounded a little concerned, much to my confusion, but I did grind to a halt once we were out of shouting distance from the others.

As I waited for him to catch up, I turned to face him. When he was close enough, I was able to read both anger and something else. Concern maybe, relief? He was trying to let his frustration with me—and the Prince—show so I couldn't tell for sure what emotion he was trying to hide. Nor why he was trying to hide it from me.

"What were you thinking?" was the first—rather second—words out of his mouth.
"Excuse me?" I questioned, wondering just what he thought I did. This was more than disobeying an order to flee.
"What were you thinking when you let Caspian run after Miraz? I sent you with him to stop him from doing anything rash and now because of the two of you our army is half dead!"
"I—" I started, but I couldn't say anything else as he plowed on.
"What was going through your head when you defied my orders? That you could be some kind of hero? I ordered you to get out, to retreat. Instead, you chose to stay behind. For what? To die? It was suicidal!" His comment had me hard-pressed to not smile given that's exactly what his plan to raid the castle was. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I won't have you thinking you can disobey orders from your King. I should've just left you here! You haven't helped the Narnians! All you've managed to do is cripple them! Cair Paravel was lost because of you, the Narnians were killed and scattered because of you. Does your title mean nothing?! You were supposed to protect them! Not get them killed. So far I haven't seen you protecting anyone but yourself! You alone escaped the castle. Care to explain why you didn't try and help anyone else escape?"

I listened to every word he said with a sinking feeling in my chest. As his tirade continued, I could no longer look at him. Every word he said felt like a dagger hitting me. They hurt. They were half-truths and false accusations. Yet a part of me believed every word, which made it harder to do anything but submit to his authority. But it also made me angry and I could feel Phoenix itching to get out but I pushed it down, knowing it wouldn't be good for me to lose my head. And I managed until...

"How could you let them die? The Ana I knew would've given her life for them." His statement was much quieter but it was enough for me to lose it.
"How dare you," I stated, dangerously calm. Peter took a step back in surprise, eyes going wide. "How dare you accuse me of being selfish when you weren't even there. 'Stay at the castle, Ana.' 'Someone needs to guard the castle while we're away.' 'I don't need you on the battlefield. We'll be just fine without you.'" I mocked, recalling all the times they forced me to stay behind. "You wouldn't let me do anything actually useful so I was wholly unprepared for an attack. I couldn't rally the Narnians, I couldn't create a decent strategy, I couldn't even keep Generals alive long enough to help! Because while you were off slaying giants, fighting wars, and strategizing battle plans I was stuck in the castle doing nothing but keeping dignitaries and nobles from growing bored. I wasn't allowed to be a warrior and when you disappeared all the responsibility fell to me.

"I tried the best I could. But when you disappeared, I lost the only family I could remember having! How could I rally my own people when I barely had the strength to get up some days? I wanted to die, so many times. I was careless in battle, just trying to bring relief but I had a guardian angel that wouldn't let me die. And I hated Him for it. I was left defenseless from an invasion with little experience on how to lead an army. I did the best I could given my circumstances and when it came down to it, I sacrificed my freedom so that the Narnians would live. The only reason the Narnians are alive today is because of me!" I took a breath to calm down, but I couldn't let Peter talk. I wouldn't be able to finish if he did and I needed to get this off my chest.

"When Cair Paravel was being overrun, I had to make a choice. The castle was already lost, but must I lose the Narnians as well? So Phoenix created a diversion that allowed them to flee into the woods, to spend the rest of their lives in hiding. They would have to hide, but at least they were alive. I didn't even think about what would happen to me. I just did it because I knew it was the only way for them to survive. And as a result, the last three hundred years have not been kind to me. I thought those first few centuries were bad, but this was much worse...