This Is How It Goes

Chapter Nineteen: A Bit Of Fun

Things between James and I are heating up.

In the past four weeks I have slept at his apartment on eleven occasions. Twelve if you count the time I stopped by in the middle of the day to retrieve my copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and we ended up fooling around as well. But I did manage to go back home afterwards. There was also that time in my room when Natalie was in a psychology class. Actually that was two times. Also the time in my car. Oh and the party on Halloween. Jesus. What have I gotten myself into?

Basically we’re very familiar with each other. And I don’t know how to feel about it.

On the one hand I like spending time with James, I do. I like the way he smells, I like the soft way he speaks. I like that he’s always looking at me, even when I don’t know it. I like that he calls me first. I like that he knows books better than me. I love that he trusts me. But I don’t like that I’m getting too attached. If we were dating I’d be worried we were moving too fast. But we’re not in a relationship, we’re just a casual, fun thing to distract ourselves from other things. I’m not sure that’s how it looks to everyone else though.

Natalie has started asking questions. Max and Laurel have started looking for the answers. And then there’s Isaac. Soon Isaac is going to find out. I don’t want that. I cannot have that.

So I’m keeping James and I a secret. From everyone, well everyone except Lea. Lea and I don’t talk that much anymore, we’re both busy and phone calls are expensive. But she’s still my best friend, no amount of distance can disguise that. So I’ve told Lea, about James. Not much but she knows he exists and she knows his name and what we’ve been up to. Which is more than I’m telling anyone else.

I thought that this was what James wanted as well. At least I was pretty sure. We weren’t exactly engaging in PDA’s and as far as I knew he wasn’t telling anyone about me. But after our last encounter I’m not so sure.

“You know, you’ve never met Kyle.” He said while smoking yet another cigarette.

“I didn’t know we were doing that.” I said without really thinking about it much. My mind wasn’t really too focused at the time. We’d just been messing around and I was still coming off of that high.

James shrugged. “He’s my best friend, and I think you’d like him.”

So apparently I am to meet Kyle, roommate and best friend to my current bed buddy. I don’t know when, just that it will happen sometime soon. And according to James, Kyle and his girlfriend Lizzie are inseparable so she will most likely be present. I’m trying not to think about this possible encounter.

Things with Isaac are getting better, slightly. It’s not as awkward. After the party last month we have both seemed to accept that friendship is possible between us. Max is also less pushy about getting us together. Maybe she was embarrassed at having cried about chicken in front of her friend’s potential love interest, if she were to have her way. Not that that stopped her from doing a very similar thing a week and a half later. The girl has issues when it comes to poultry and alcohol.

I guess I thought things between Isaac and I were getting better. Actually I know they are. Because right now, I can see him very clearly getting over me.

It’s funny how things work out like that. And by that I mean it’s not really funny at all. Just as I’m thinking Isaac and I are on a path to a beautiful friendship and all I have to worry about is James wanting me to meet his friend, Isaac ruins it.

I see them and instantly my heart cracks, once again threatening to split in two if I don’t distance myself from all emotions immediately. Isaac and a cute curvy girl with dead straight ochre hair. She’s sweet looking. Nothing like me. I know I told him to move on but seeing him there, with this really lovely girl, smiling at her like she’s the wind beneath his wings makes me feel like crap. A dagger straight to my heart.