The Broken One

Chapter 15

NATHAN POV

I shut the bathroom door on my way out, admittedly with more of a slam than I had originally hoped for. I turned away from the door and slowly leant my head back against the wall, closing my eyes and running a sweaty hand over my face. I really fucked that one up, or did she? Why was she pushing me away like this? I was right here to help her, I was desperate to help, but every time I got close to her even the tinniest bit she would back away. I didn't know how to help her if she wouldn't just let me in. It all seemed so impossible.

And now there was just the awkward weight of what had just happened to distance us even more. We were doing so well and I couldn't help but want to go back in time and hope the last few minutes never took place. Perhaps it would have been better to just leave her alone in there, even after what I had heard. But what was done was done, now I had to make plans for what was next. I could just pretend it never happened. But then we would be back to square one....

Maybe she simply didn't want my help at all, but then again it wouldn't be right to just leave her like this. Not when all she had was a shitty family and an even worse psycho 'ex' out there who literally wanted her dead. Maybe Sam could live with the constant fear of being hurt but I certainly couldn't. I liked Sam too much for that. I could finally admit that to myself- that I really liked Sam. I wanted to be there for her and be someone that she felt she could always come to for protection. I was going to confess my feelings to her on this trip but now I wasn't so sure if I'd have the courage. 

I'd never been so nervous to ask a girl out before. Usually it was so blatantly obvious that they'd say yes so I never had anything to stress over. But Sam wasn't like that. She was far from an open book which made her difficult for me to read. But I couldn't hold this weight on my back any longer. I had to get it off of my chest and better sooner than later at that. 

Then again I'd never met a girl like her either. It sounded cliché but I really did believe that she was different. She deserved a whole lot more than what life was throwing at her and she was undoubtedly the strongest person that I knew. 

I walked away from the bathroom, into the bedroom instead. The fact that we would still have to sleep in the same room somehow made matters so much worse. That is if it wasn't awkward enough already without the additional weight of what had just taken place. Sam wasn't okay. Anyone could see that and I just figured that it might help her to talk to someone. To me. Yet maybe she wasn't ready at the moment. I could respect that- I had to, for her. 

I spent most of the night awake in my bed and watching Sam as she slept peacefully. Admittedly, now that I thought about, that sounded a lot creeper now then it had when I actually was doing it. It hadn't been my intention to become some sought of weirdo stalker when the clock struck midnight, yet I just couldn't help it. I was scared for Sam and couldn't put my mind at rest, causing me to fall into a state of incurable insomnia. My thoughts were plagued with worries, resulting in my restlessness all through the dead of night. The city noises outside were drowned out my the active mumbles that buzzed around within my head. No matter how little sleep I caught, not once did I feel at all tired.

It was currently early morning, around 6 am. So I had at long last decided to give up on the idea of sleep and instead came to sit by the window, watching the city as I contemplated the unfortunate situation that I had gotten myself involved in with Sam. Often I wondered why I couldn't have just fallen for another girl, one less complicated. But after all, the heart wants what it wants and there was absolutely no going back. Not now.