Secrets Only Trouble Knows - George Weasley

11 - Halloween

For as long as I could remember, I'd always been a very independent and resilient girl.

Even as a child, I was often told I was tougher than most other kids my age. I'd fall down whilst playing outside and the skin of my knee would have a giant slash in it, but I wouldn't shed a tear. Like any other girl who grew up with a brother, Jasper would tease me and push me around from time to time, but I'd always hold my weight against him and fight back.

Somewhere along the line it felt like I had no choice but to be that way. Maybe I'd be entirely different if I hadn't grown up in the family I did. In the odd circumstances that I did. Maybe I'd be a lot softer and a lot more dependent upon other people had everything with my dad never occurred. But because my life was the way that it was, because it came with a lot more stressors and hardships than perhaps the average person's, I'd always felt like I was in a competition with the universe itself. That I always had to prove myself, some way or another, to no one in particular. Hold my head high above the water that threatened to drown me and never stop treading. Never let myself slip beneath the crisp waves. Always keep afloat. Always be fine.

I was strong.

Well, at least outwardly, anyway. To other people.

Inwardly... that was a different story sometimes.

When I was around others, I'd nearly mastered the art of appearing unfazed when presented with challenges to my worth or hurtful accusations about myself or my family. But when I was alone—when it was truly just me by myself and I had nothing to do but just sit and think—I had my moments where I wasn't always so indestructible and brave. When I let my thoughts and other peoples' opinions get the better of me. When insecurities would take over.

Occasionally, during these times I'd find myself feeling lonely. Like I'm difficult to relate to. Like I'm defined only by my father being in Azkaban, and that no one sees me for me or what I'm capable of or the talents and skills I possess.

Mostly, though, my sadness would take root in all of the normal things most people get to experience in their childhood that I didn't get to— like knowing and loving my dad.

Every year I'd witness the multitude of fathers on Platform 9 3/4 say goodbye to their children as the train pulled away from the station and wished that mine could be there alongside my mother, doing the same thing. Once, while visiting Adrian at his manor one summer vacation, I'd watched with slight jealousy when I'd caught him reading casually in the study with Mr. Pucey. The two hadn't been talking, just enjoying being in the same presence as one another as they sat peacefully. I felt, at times, envious of the fact that Kol had grown up with a dad who taught him and his brothers all about Quidditch and wished Jasper and I could have been blessed with the same thing.

Unfortunately, these happened to be the types of thoughts that woke me up this Halloween morning.

It should be said that Halloween had always been one of my favorite holidays. From
the black and orange colors that it adorned, the dark and spooky themes that defined it, to its characteristic sweets people enjoyed and the tricks they'd play on their friends to celebrate it— I loved it all. Especially once I'd learned more about the Wizarding World and how so many creatures and beings that are honored and talked about by muggles on this day are actually real; like ghosts, ghouls, and vampires. Everything about the holiday was just so exciting and fascinating to me.

However, as much as I enjoyed the occasion, there were years where I'd be plagued by a deep sadness and despair on that day. As a result of all the story times Jasper and I'd had with our mother throughout our life, I'd come to learn that Halloween had also been my father's favorite holiday as well. Before he'd been arrested, he'd gone all out for it every year. He loved dressing up in wild costumes, decking the house from head to toe with decorations and festivities, and passing out candy to the children who'd stopped by when trick-or-treating. When they'd been at Hogwarts together, my mother said he'd spent every Halloween scaring as many people as he could with all of his crazy friends.