99 ways to say I love you- Draco Malfoy

No.31

Because I'd rather argue with you than kiss someone else

It has been brewing for a while. 2 months of sleeping in the same room every night. 2 months of her bad excuses.

She couldn't tell Draco about DA, yes she trusted him but she also wasn't about to be the person who got them all caught, Umbridge was on their tails over the entire thing and Draco was a part of that.

It was one of the first times a major divide between them was shown. If things had been different she would probably have been in the inquisitorial squad with him. That's what he keeps telling himself when she returns to the room that might as well be shared shrugging about studying with Hermione when he questions where she's been.

And she can tell. Tell that he's resenting her for the fact it had changed. For the fact their lives were different. She was on the side of the minority and she truly believed in everything Harry said. She would join the Order in heartbeat if Molly would let. She was not going to give up without a tight. And he hated that she wouldn't just stick to the rules. Do what she was supposed to and keep her head down.

The tension between them was rising slowly. Clearly about to bubble over but neither of them wanting to say it.

He couldn't help but feel guilty for the fact he was wishing she was sorted in Slytherin and everything was how it was supposed to be and this wasn't an issue he ever had to deal with.

And she couldn't help but wonder how compatible they could really be if they were about to be caught on opposing sides of the war. Not that she didn't care about him or want to make it work. She was being realistic.

He can't help but roll his eyes when she enters their room, in no mood to hear her lie about her whereabouts.

"Hey," she smiles gently, and pressing a kiss to his cheek on the way past.

They were no less affectionate, if anything they were more doting than usual both trying to convince themselves this was all something they could push aside.

"You're late," he comments, dropping his book down next to him on the sofa.

"Yeah, lost track of time in the library," she shrugs, placing her bag on the coffee table and opening it to check she had everything she would need for the next day.

"You weren't at the library. I was on prefect rounds and I went in there and it was empty,"

"Must have been at the loo," she brushes him off.

He lets out a sigh. He truly didn't want to fight but it was inevitable if she was just going to lie to him.

"Emily. I know you weren't there just tell me where you were?" His tone is demanding, and it aggravates her

"It's none of your business," she states. Arms folding across her chest.

"Actually as your boyfriend, it is," his voice is stern and raising slowly

"You're my boyfriend, doesn't mean I'm your property! You don't have to know where I am always!"

"What the fuck? I'm not saying that I own you! It would just be nice to not have you lie when you walk into my room that I pay for that you sleep in every night!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" She demands, arms folding and a dark glare in her eyes. He'll admit it, it's a comment that he didn't need to make. "You haven't worked for a galleon in your life! You're daddy pays for the room not you! You are the one who asks me to sleep in it every night! You want me out then fine I'll go!"

"That's not what I'm saying!" He's shouting too now. Standing up suddenly and shrugging his jacket off in a huff.

"Then what are you saying?"

"You are in the hospital wing I write all the notes you miss for you! You have annoying friends who I don't want to deal with but I make an effort for you! You show up to my dorm drunk and practically begging me to fuck you and I respect you! You complain we never get privacy I get you a damn private common! I'm good to you! And you can't even have the common decency to be honest with me!"

She's taken aback by his statement. It's true. He was good to her she didn't ever question that. What shocked her was that he seemed so mad about the night of the Gryffindor party, a night she thought had been a positive thing in their relationship.

"Well Thank you for not railing me when I was drunk!"

"That's not the point I'm making!" He groans, his hands running through her hair

"I can't tell you where I was Draco! I just need you to trust me! Why can't you do that?"

"Cause you have so many fucking secrets!"

"I have one!"

"No you hide shit from me always. You vanish almost every night and lie about where you go! You kept the fact Umbridge was torturing you from me! You disappeared for a whole damn summer!"

"You want to know why I won't tell you where I go? Cause I'm trying to look out for you! If I tell you what I do and where I go it puts you in an awkward position! You know what decrees are being broken and by who and when and then what? You go tell her!"

"No! No if it was going to get you in trouble of course I don't! I protect you first. You can't seriously think I would dob potter in if it wasn't going to hurt you!"

"I don't want to put you in the place where you have to make that call! You have a loyalty to her you're in her stupid little gang! I don't want you to have to lie for me!"

"But I would!"

"You shouldn't have to!" She argues.

He's angry. Angry she thinks she's protecting him and making his life easier by lying. Angry she thinks he can't handle himself and his own situations. Feeling a desperate need to hit something he takes in a deep breath.

A silence fills the room, they both think they're right and neither of them are budging on it. So they stand, a few feet apart, she isn't even sure when the tears started flooding her eyes simply due to frustration.

"What are we doing?" She questions. Her voice is quiet now.

"What?" He snaps, not meaning for it to come out quite so sharp.

"Draco, you know how I feel about you. You know I want you more than anything. But this is what it's going to be. Forever. We aren't compatible. We aren't going to work. We are on opposite sides and it's going to stay that way. I will lie to you to protect my friends and to keep you safe. You will always have a loyalty to the people against me, be it Umbridge of be it death eaters. We aren't on the same side anymore. We keep kidding ourselves that this is ever going to last! I got put into Gryffindor and my life changed. I'm not my parents child anymore and I'm not their choices either. We aren't little kids, we have to pick and we have to fight for what we believe in. You want to be the son your parents needs and I get that, but I want to support my friends and I want to fight for what is right. It doesn't matter what I have to do, I will die for what I believe in and I will die for my friends. But how can we work if we are on opposing sides? How can we ever work? All we are going to do is fight. Why are we putting ourselves through it?"

Her tears are dripping from her eyes now. And it's not frustration. It's heartbreak. Because this is the harsh reality. She doesn't want to loose him but she can't realistically have him.

And he's angry. He's so angry that the world has put them in this situation. That there's this distance between them he can do nothing about.

"Because I would rather fight with you than kiss someone else!" He shouts. And it's true, he'd argue and fight with her all day every day before he even thought about someone else.

"Dray-"

"No! No I would! Pick you! I want you! I said you and I and I meant it!" He's quieter now, eyes searching hers desperately. "You don't want to tell me where you were? That's fine. You can have your secrets because Merlin knows I'll probably need mine in the future. I just know I want you at the end of everyday. I need you. So we will learn to make it work,"

"You and I?"

"You and I,"