⚠️TW⚠️: sexual assault/ rape
it comes and goes, the memories of him. it's been in my subconscious for a year but when i saw his car today, i remembered it all, i felt it all over again. seeing the boxes in the corner and his red sheets and his tv stand. i remember the little knick knacks on his tv stand, the vans boxes stacked right outside his closet. the closet door open and his shoes sitting inside next to a dirty hamper.
i remember him wearing his hat backwards and his light pink shorts. i remember it so vividly now. my excuse to not have sex, that i needed to get home. "i need to go, i can't stay for long i just came to say hi real quick" and finally saying "no i don't want to have sex."
i went over because i wanted to talk to him for a little because she got off work early. i went to see him right after cross country practice, wearing my spandex, running shoes, and the sweat still drying on my face after a hot run in the august heat.
walking in, he kisses me and grabs my butt and boobs. its not long before i am in his room. he started to pull at my spandex sticking his hand down to touch me. he pulled them down to have them wrapped around my thighs. he turned me around and shoved my head into the bed and told me i better get wet.
he's grabbing my hips and i am struggling to turn back around, i reach back to try and pull up my shorts and at that point i'm held down. and he pulls off his pink shorts and shoved it into me.
i screamed and cried and tears and mascara rushed down my face. i was in pain trying to fight him. told him i can't and i told him no and to stop but he covered my mouth and i hurt so bad i felt weak.
my mom calling saved me from worse. i ran out of his house spandex half on. underwear sticking out from the bottom of them. holding back tears and pain on the phone with my mom as i drove myself home.
i was raped on august 12, 2019
i thought he loved me and i shut it out for so long until august of 2020. when it triggered my subconscious and now i can't stop thinking about it, i relive it almost every time i fall asleep.
