Loki's Pain

Chapter Fifteen- Moving On

When Ash woke the following day he was only a little surprised to find himself still sitting against the wall with Loki's head laying across his thighs. The exhausted god had passed out curled up in a ball next to him as Ash stroked his hair. He was wearing little more than a hospital gown since he had basically been catatonic until recently.

Ash would be lying if he said that Loki's experiences didn't bother him. Ash didn't remember everything that had happened to him during his time with Maw, but he hadn't been left entirely untouched himself. Seeing Loki like this only exacerbated his own memories, and though they were not numerous, none of them were pleasant. So it was a struggle for him to remain calm and to comfort him when he wanted to cry and beg for someone to grant him the same courtesy.

His heart broke for what Loki had endured, even as his own shivered in remembered terror. He didn't have a clue what he was doing, or even how to go about helping Loki put himself back together, but he knew he had to do something. He didn't want to disturb Loki's sleep, knowing that neither of them had gotten much, so he began to softly sing a half-remembered song to distract himself from his need to pee.

Yeah, It's not a fucking phase, I just wanna feel okay, okay

Yeah, I struggle with this bullshit every day

And it's probably 'cause my demons simultaneously rage

It obliterates me, disintegrates me, annihilates me

'Cause I'm about to break down, searching for a way out

I'm a liar, I'm a cheater, I'm a non-believer

I'm a popular, popular monster

I break down, falling into love now with falling apart

I'm a popular, popular monster...

His voice slowly grew louder as he got more invested in the lyrics, Popular Monster by Falling in Reverse had quickly become a favorite for him as soon as he'd heard it. Loki eventually woke to hear Ash's angelic voice in his ears, and despite the grim message in the lyrics, Ash's melodic voice soothed him in a way he didn't expect.

"I'm sorry, Ash." Loki whispered, his own voice raw from overuse and sleep.

"Don't be." Ash replied as Loki sat up, allowing Ash to climb to his feet. Once he was up he stumbled towards the in-suite bathroom to empty his bladder and then swiftly returned to Loki's side. They sat there on the floor, shoulder to shoulder, for hours. They didn't speak. They didn't need to. They simply sat there taking comfort in each others very presence.

Still, despite Ash's words, Loki felt guilty for what happened to Ash. He felt responsible for drawing Maw's attention to him. Ash knew better though. What little he did remember assured him of that. Thanos had wanted him captured long before he'd ever met Loki, and Maw followed Thanos's orders fanatically. It had only been his parents actions that had prevented Ash from being raised as a weapon in Thanos's arsenal. Ash shivered as he realised that if that had happened he might have become as bad as Maw, or worse.

So they both sat silent, lost within their own thoughts, and enjoying each others company despite the conflicted feelings they both felt.

While Ash and Loki sat alone in his room, the other team members had gathered into the main living. Cap has done his job, and gathered them all as soon as possible.

Barton was the only one not sitting down, since he had busied himself preparing a quick lunch in the kitchen. Despite that, he made sure to listen in to the conversation, ready to interject if he felt the need to contribute.