Loki's Pain

Chapter Ten- Loss

'What do I do?' Loki thought to himself, his normally brilliant mind had been left at a complete loss. Any thought of leaving Ash left him bereft, his heart clenched painfully in his chest. But he still wondered if it might be for the best. 'If I leave him now, would he still be in danger from Maw or Thanos? They might believe he was nothing more than a passing fancy, quickly forgotten...' Loki shook his head, dismissing the idea almost immediately. He knew he would never be that lucky.

So he sat there for hours, frustrated by his inability to find a solution. Not once did he consider telling Ash how he felt, or asking if he might feel the same. Loki didn't consider himself worthy of him, or anything good, not anymore. He had been tainted.

The only concession he did come to, in his own mind, was that he would need to inform Stark of the danger Ash might be in. He just did not know how much help the Avengers might be against such a dangerous enemy. They were his only option in protecting him, however, so he did not really have a choice. He would not be able to protect him around the clock. Even he required rest occasionally.

This was how Loki found himself approaching Tony in the dining room, shocking the rest of the Avengers with how politely he asked to speak with him. Their expressions were so blatantly disbelieving that it was actually somewhat insulting, despite them not actually saying anything. He was left mildly embarrassed by their reaction, along with the fact that they had probably heard something about his earlier breakdown, and may even see some traces of it in his face and expression. He tried to ignore those feelings however, and to act as normally as possible. But he ended up turning to them sporting the ghost of his usually arrogant smirk. "I can be polite when I wish. I even worked as a political ambassador for Asgard for decades before you all were even born... And that includes the "popsicle". I just choose not to bother. Much more honest in the long run, is it not? I get accused of so many lies already..." Loki stated all of that while maintaining a razor-sharp grin, then turned and walked away, heading towards Stark's office. But he had no idea how vulnerable his expression had truly been, thinking he had done a proper job of concealing his true feelings.

"I think you all just hurt the guys feelings..." Tony stated, looking at them with a mildly disappointed gaze before following Loki into his office and closing the door behind them. The rest of the team could do nothing but exchange stunned glances, their minds churning with frustrated questions that they knew would not be answered any time soon. But they were also forced to acknowledge to themselves that they had never really known Loki, only what he had done, and it seemed that meant less and less with every day that went by.

----------- Tony's Lab, after shutting the door------------

"What do you need?" Tony asked as he directed Loki to an extra seat, before sliding into his own in front of his cluttered drafting table, parts and pieces of half-started projects laying everywhere. "You need to talk already?" Tony prompted when Loki didn't speak up right away. "No!...no. Just.... Ash...." Loki began, unsure how to explain the issue.

"What about Ash?" Tony asked. His voice emerged a bit sharper than intended, and made Loki flinch before he reined himself back in, "Sorry. I know you care about him. I just worry, and not just because we are related..."

"I know. I do to, which is why I need to tell you....he might be in danger." Loki finally stated, before going on to explain, "When I was held by Thanos...it was not just physical torture they used, but mental and emotional as well. If they found something or someone I cared about, they would use them to torture me.... Maw, was especially good at this...he would send me visions of hurting my loved ones, or forcing me to..." Loki had to stop for a moment, but soon forced himself to keep going, "There was a...friend... A girl I met while we were being held there, they.... Maw raped her right in front of me before cutting her throat." Loki turned his face away from Tony, his eyes shiny with unshed tears. "Maw, was in my head when I met Ash. He knows that I care for him. He will tell Thanos....and Thanos will not be happy about my failure in New York."