safe | l.h.

nine

"it might be the way that you're always staring at me, if i stay or if i go and risk everything, she said it's all or nothing" - All or Nothing / State Champs

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-Violet-

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I forgot for just a few brief moments that I was alone. Reality hit me as soon as I rolled over to find an empty space in bed next to me. My heart sank, remembering every awful detail from the night before. I slowly reached a hand out and put it on the pillow next to me. It had been a long time since I had slept there alone, and it was never for the reason that I was alone now.

I sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I got up and shuffled over to the mirror hanging on the wall, wincing when I got a glimpse of myself. When I got home I had thrown my hair into an incredibly messy bun, and sleeping on it had left large pieces and ends sticking out all over. I had streaks of dried tears mixed with mascara all over my cheeks, a painful reminder of the fight Luke and I had gotten in. I grabbed the throw blanket off the end of the bed and wrapped myself in it, slowly walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch. 

I put my head in my hands, wishing I could rewind back to last night. Luke was right about everything, and I didn't even blame him for staying somewhere else last night. We both needed the space to think, although he probably needed it more than I did. I acted like a completely different person last night, and I didn't like the person that was. She was insecure and selfish, and worst of all she hurt the person who means more to her than anyone else.

But no matter how guilty I felt, it didn't change the fact that I meant most of the things I had said last night. Even if they shouldn't have been said that way, I wasn't exaggerating how terrified or unprepared I felt. And because of that fact alone, I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to say to make things right again.

Breaking me out of my own thoughts, I heard some quiet noises at the door. It sounded like a key ring, and then struggling with the lock. I quickly got up and went over to the door, still wrapped in my blanket. I swung the door open before Luke could, just staring at him for a few long seconds.

I watched him look me up and down as the door opened, face falling into a noticeable frown at my appearance. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Before he could try again, I dropped the blanket from around my shoulders and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug.

His arms found their way around me almost immediately, and he buried his head into my shoulder. His words finally came out, muffled but still what I needed to hear, "I'm sorry, I should've come back home last night."

I pulled away just enough to look him in the eyes, feeling my heart break a little when I saw the tears that seemed to be building up in his eyes. I put a gentle hand on his cheek, "No, no. It was all my fault, you were right. I don't blame you for any of it, I understand why you needed some space. I'm just glad you're back now."

Luke's frown formed into a sad smile, and he leaned forward to leave a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and let out a breath of relief, feeling like things were almost right again. When I opened them, though, Luke was looking down at the floor, "I'm glad to be back too but... We still need to talk about last night."

I nodded slowly, knowing this was inevitable, "I know we do. Can we go out and grab some coffee though? Maybe take it to go and talk about it while we walk through the park or something?"

Luke stayed silent for a moment, and then nodded in agreement. We both got ready in silence, still not ready to say all the things both of us needed to say. I was brushing my hair in the mirror when I caught Luke looking at me while he sat on the end of the bed. I smiled a little beside myself, "What are you staring at?"