Versed

XV

Eric is in the bed beside me and all I want to do is hold him but I'm weary of getting too close and waking him. He's been gone so much and every time I wake he's not in bed. This is the first I'm seeing him sleep in weeks. I grab ahold of him anyway because I miss being this close to him.  The feel of his warmth and the firm of his chest I wish I could be closer. He shifts a bit and I release him leaving the bed entirely, I go to the bathroom to clean up. After brushing my teeth and having a much needed shower I step into the closet to change, as if he was waiting for me to leave the vicinity I hear the bathroom door close and the shower start.

"What the fuck." Did he wait for me to leave the bathroom so he can shower?

I mutter under my breath dropping my towel to my feet. I start for the bathroom and ever so quietly step inside and hesitate to get in the shower with him. I can do whatever I like I am his wife. If I want to shower with my husband after just taking a shower I very well can. So why am I still just standing here like this. I'm afraid to move but eager to get back to what we were. I swing the shower door open and step inside. Upon my entry he noticeably tenses and I see it, there are burns and welts on his back. I gasp reactively reaching out to touch him and he grabs hold of my wrists stopping me.

"Get out." His tone ominous and deep.

I stare at him and I don't know what he saw but I know it wasn't fear. He's hurting himself over this pain he's feeling and I can't stand to see him like this. I step out of the shower but only to get proper creams for the burns. I have some burn creams and ointments in my section of the bathroom. The look on his face when he seen me in the shower, I know he didn't want me in there. I shake it off, he's hurting right now he needs me. He's stooped so low to even be hurting himself and I don't think I've ever seen him like this. It's like he's lost all forms of control over this.

Leaving my creams on the counter I wrap the towel around myself rushing down to his office in search of his camera. I think all he needs is to remember what is left to live for. He's surrounded in the darkness and he's in need of just a little reminder of how much light there is and the beauty that still exists in this world. As I'm setting up for him, making platters of paint; I can't seem to escape the image of those burns on his back and the way he reacted to me seeing it. 

The shower turns off and I'm quick to run back into the bathroom. He flinches as I rub the cream into his back.

"You don't want to tell me right now and that's fine. But your attitude towards me... I'm not okay with and I won't be accepting it anymore. I don't care how angry you are right now." I put the creams away and sigh, "I'm tired of being your punching bag but I will always be here for you." 

Leaving him there in the bathroom I go off to get dressed. Heading downstairs I look at the paints I have laid across the living room. This room is so white I can't even imagine how this will look when we're done with this. 

If he even partakes I pessimistically admit to myself. As he comes down I stand there surrounded by paint and he looks me quizzically.

"What is all this?"

Dropping my shoulders I hadn't even realized were all tensed up I say, "I thought maybe we could do some painting."

"Painting?" He repeats and I nod. "I don't really have time right now I--"

Dipping my hand in the red paint I flick my hands in his direction and the paint splatters on his face down to his shirt. He takes in a sharp breath and I take that opportunity to dip my hand in the blue and splatter him again. This time it getting just a centimeter away from the start of his hair. He nods the smuggest of looks on his face as he reaches me taking a paint plate and putting it on my head smearing it in.