Versed

XX

4 MONTHS LATER

I am rushing to get to my last class for the day, dropping my book I run again only to then drop my pen. I am in Psychology of Human Development class mostly because it'll look good and because it'll help me to become a teacher. As I get to my seat, I feel like everyone is watching me. Listening as professor Robertson goes on about the mind of a child I can't help but lose focus thinking of my plans for later. I have planned a night out to the bar for myself and I haven't gone drinking in 3 months. That day I told myself that I'd fix myself just as I was trying to advise Eric to. Safe to say I'm looking forward to letting myself unwind for the night. I pull my hair up into a bun as I take notes on what is being said attempting to regain focus on my studies.

As the class ends I get up bumping into someone, without looking I apologize and walk down the stairs and out the door. I have to get over to Jordan's before I go for drinks and I promised my mother I'd stop in while I was there. Pulling on my peacoat to block out some of the frigid breeze I get into my car and drive home. Getting to the cafe I find Elijah behind the counter talking to their employee and Jordan sitting with Bella in a booth.

"Hello Bella." I smile she gurgles in her little baby language reaching for my face with the biggest cutest smile on her face. "Ah she's so beautiful."

Jordan smiles, "Hey, thanks any chance you'd be willing to take her tonight so I can get a break?"

"Afraid I can't but pencil me in for tomorrow. I'll take her off your hands and you and Eli can go for a night o—"

"Of sleep." Jordan interrupts.

I laugh taking a seat with her and going on about our day. In these past few months I feel I have truly gotten over my failed marriage. Today the divorce has been finalized and I'm choosing to celebrate my freedom with a night of wine. Jordan congratulates me on finalizing and repeatedly asks if I'm certain I'm okay. Truth is, this is the most okay I've felt since I got married the first and second time. I thought that Eric was to be the love of my life but now I think he's merely meant to be my first love. While your first love does consume you at one point there comes another who will truly be meant for me and me alone.

After enjoying some time with Jordan and Eli, I find my way to my mothers. I stand outside the door trying to put on my smile but I don't want to go inside. I wish I could say my relationship with my mother has gotten better but it hasn't. All I feel when I go inside this house is a tension around my heart. I feel claustrophobic, what was once the safest place to me feels foreign. My mother doesn't understand why I divorced Eric or why I don't just forgive and forget with Fraya. I come here because they're my parents and at least they're alive. Regardless of what they do or say that may annoy me I will continue to love them. Plus, my dad and I are still close.

She comes from behind me surprising me, "Couldn't go in? Is it because of me?"

"No that wasn't it." I say looking back at her. Her hair has grown its down to her shoulders. Her face is filling out and she actually looks good. She's on antidepressants and she's stopped the other drugs so of course she'd put on some healthy pounds.

"I'll get the door for you." Fraya opens the door stepping inside, "Guess who I found outside."

I take a deep breath stepping my foot inside only to go unseen. As if I didn't even exist my mother has her face all frowned up, the lines becoming more prominent. She has her hand on her hip and her eyes look dark. You can tell she's hardly sleeping and from the looks of it not really eating either. Her features look sunken in and she doesn't look like her cheery happy self. If it wasn't clear, this is why I hate coming in. Nothing is the same and it's evident, it physically hurts me making me wish we could go back in time. Fraya may be in the light of change but my mother looks like she has taking on all the stress of everything. My dad has been working double shifts just to pay for Fraya's rehab bills. My mother watches Fraya like a hawk testing her urine weekly.