Versed

XVII

Eric's POV

She did it, she left. I am truly alone. It's all my fault. I sit up against this door simply thinking of her. Her face while we were on the beach floods my mind; the way she looked so at peace when she looked at me. The way she stared at me on the dance floor the frizz of her hair and the glisten of her glowing sweaty skin in the sun; she is exquisite.

Damn near 40 and I still can't seem to pick myself up. I rely so solely on these women in my life. Maggs, Aurora and myself, we seem to be clinging so strongly to how things used to be. We can't seem to process that time creates opportunity for evolution. Have I not evolved? Have I truly returned to that idiotic child that was abandoned by his drugged up prostitute of a mother?

I hold my head my hair falling into my face recalling my mother, Clarice Blackman. She was no one special but so very special to me, the way her blonde hair clung to her like she was constantly drenched in water. She in my mind is always in front of a waterfall staring at me with this smile a bright one like she's free. Truth is I barely remember her but I remember that smile. She had it once right after taking her shot of heroin. I remember the needle, the spoon and the way the band had wrapped around her arm. She reached out to me and all I remember is that beautiful smile. Captivates me and just as a dream the smile that soon takes over my mind is hers once again. Maia, her smile lights up my insides the exact way. Feels like where I belong, at times I wish I could kiss her lips and stay there. Seeing her happy fills more holes in me than one. Then like a wave of dread it overwhelms me, it's so dark and consuming.

I get so wrapped up in negativity and I fucking hate it. I fucked up again and it's too late. I need her because she shines her light in my life and no one can do that for me the way she does. I've known this the entire time though, haven't I? Yet, still I relied on Aurora.

No I will get her back, I have to get her back. I took advantage of having her with me and I was the biggest idiot to think I was alone. How could I possibly be alone when she's right there beside me?

She has always been there, hasn't she? When I finally got off my ass and took up Maggs restaurant and made it my own her words were there. When I finally thought of my future, she was there. When I look at my happiest memories they all somehow include her. This little insecure girl dressed in nude wearing an oversized jacket submitting herself to me. This woman who is so stubborn and yet still so giving, all she ever does is think of those whom she loves. She loves me and I took her for granted. She deserves the world and everything in it and yet selfishly I want her to myself.

I recall the day things seemed to feel surreal but yet felt so right. After her accident, we had gone to the store and it was then I was sure. I wanted her beside me always.

Walked aisle after aisle looking for the right snacks for her movie. She was so happy to find the perfect candies she started for them nearly falling flat on her face. Just before she could do so I grabbed ahold of her hand and pulled her into me. My face close to her ear I whispered, "Be more careful." I ran my finger along her face, "Wouldn't want another accident would we?" She is so cute.

She blushed, "You know I'm horny so why would whisper and touch me that way. I will do you right in this store." I laughed so heartily and she stared at me gushing as if she's never seen me laugh. I held onto her waist walking along side her to the candy she wanted.

I stood there with her in the store as the clerk rang her things she shoulder bumped me, "You want to finish that movie with me when we get home?"

"That romance one oh god no, please no, I hated the beginning and you know I don't like those movies."

She sighs, "Fine I guess I'll finish it on my own."

"Pay attention it's your turn."

She rings up her things and says, "Oh I'm short hmm... I may have a few quarters in the car." I pull out my card and pay she pouts in the cutest way, "I'm a strong independent woman I can pay for my own things. I do not need a man—"

"I know you don't. Now shut it and let's get home and watch that crappy movie baby." I say rolling my eyes. She laughs and grabs hold of my arm as I grab the bags. She was so happy just to watch that movie with me. She cried so hard over the man dying and not being able to tell the woman he loved how he felt. I tried to grab the tissues and she took the corners of my shirt to wipe her eyes. I scolded her making her laugh and I took that opportunity to wipe the tears from her face.

"Why do you watch things that make you cry?"

She shrugged, "I love the way it makes me feel. They're good tears." She nuzzled up into me some more and just as the movie ended I realized she was fast asleep. I recline into the couch and let her head rest against me wrapping her in the blanket and letting her get comfortable up against me.

I whisper to her, "I think I love you more than anyone I've ever thought I loved. You terrify and excite me all in one." I stared at her for most of the night admiring the way her face was so relaxed in her sleep. Truly a sight to see.

She is my everything granted I may have made this mistake. I may have hurt her but I know she is the one for me and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make her life better. Even if that means she's not mine, I'll always be there for her.

Leaving in a hurry I get in my car and race after her.

I drove around checking all the places she likes, checking her parents. I startled them asking about her but I managed to calm them before leaving. Her best friend, she was under the impression that I would be with her and then said hurtful shit like talk to Richard. As idiotic as it was I went to that stupid Richard guy and he had nothing good to say only accusing me of shut I did do. Now regrettably after all this, I'm off to see her sister. Getting to the facility I see her car, Maia's here. I stand up against her car in hopes that I would get to see her. Awkwardly I find myself standing here for an hour before she comes out. Every time the door opens I find myself propping up to see. But this time it is her. Her hair is up in a ponytail the small curls wrapping themselves around her face. Surely, I wish I could be the one wrapped around her. Her eyes are puffy and red like she's been crying. I pray it isn't over me and yet I hope they are.

"Maia..."

"Are you stalking me now?" She growls.

"Let me just say this please?"

"What is it?" She spits walking up to her car.

"I know what I did and I know how I treated you. But I don't even want you to be gone from me for even a day. What you did for me in a day Aurora couldn't do in these few weeks. Do you know why I have these burns? Because I couldn't be obedient and I like to think it was because of you. Maia I may not deserve you but I want to be someone who does deserve you and I can't do that without you. I refuse to accept that you and I aren't meant to be. I'm so certain with every fiber in me that you are the only one for me. There will never be a single person on this Earth that will ever compare.

I seemed to think that you were too young to understand. I thought you didn't know pain and therefor you didn't know what I was going through but you may not know pain but you know how to shine. You quite literally light up my world. All those dark parts that I thought would always be there you seem to find your way to them making them light. You are the star sent to shine my path. I'm most certain I will never want anyone on this Earth the way I want you. You may not accept me today or tomorrow or even in a week but I will be here waiting for you. When you stumble I will be there to pick you up. When you're short a few cents at a register I will be there. When you are crying I will be there with my shirts. When you're tired I will have my shoulder there ready to catch you. If I have to settle on being your protector in the shadows I will do just that. But please don't leave me, not yet I'm just starting to figure this all out."

She's crying, "You always did know what to say didn't you. I love you too Eric but how long will it be before you forget again?" She opens the car door. "Thank you for all the kind things you said. I remember that day as well. We slept all night on that couch and you woke up with a stiff neck and a sore arm from holding me all night. I know you love me and I hope you know I love you too, but I just need this space right now."

Like that she's in her car and backing out leaving me again.