Lead Me Out Of The Dark. {Austin Carlile Love Story.}

Chapter 13:When You Can't Sleep At Night.

"Baby?" I heard Austin talking to me but for some reason I just didn't want to listen. "Hello, are you listening?" I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I'm going out alright? I'll be back later." He leaned down and kissed me. I faked a smile and nodded my head, "Where you going?" He looked at me and then looked away, "Oh, I um, I have to pick up something from the store for Alan's rash." I knew he was lying. Right then and there. Why would Austin lie to me. "Right." I turned away from him and closed my eyes. He left and closed the door.

I couldn't sleep anymore. I walked downstairs and went into the kitchen. I noticed the whiskey was half gone. I just bought this yesterday, how could it be half gone already? I saw a cup on the counter. Austin. He's drinking and driving are you serious? I ran to the room and got my phone. I called him as quick as I could.

"Hello?"

A girl answered. She sounded familiar.

"Hi? uhm I must have the wrong number."

"If your looking for Austin then no its the right number. Can I get him to call you back later?"

I could here Austin in the background. He sounded drunk. I could hear him telling her to hangup. I could hear him kissing her neck making her giggle on the phone. Then I realized it was Gielle.

"No."

I hung up and and slid down the wall sitting on the floor now. I brought my knees to my chest and cried. I reached for my bag and went into the front pocket. I got out my razor. I haven't used it since my family died. All my bad memories started coming back all washing out the positive memories. I put the razor to my wrist and just cut over and over, all down my arm. I was bleeding. I felt no pain. I kept crying, I was hurt, angry, upset.

I cut both of my arms. I took off my Of Mice & Men shirt and threw it across the room. I put on a Bring Me The Horizon crew neck to hide my arms. I just wanted my life to end. I was so tired of being miserable.

I put on sweatpants and left the house leaving my phone there. I went for a run. I was trying to clear my head before I went and did something. I wasn't paying attention when all of a sudden I ran into somebody. They fell and then I fell on top of them. "Omg I'm so sorry I -" The boy interrupted me, "Zee?" I looked up at him, "Morg!" He smiled but noticed I didn't smile back. I got off of him and helped him up. "What's wrong?" He looked at me with concern. "Can we go for a walk?" He nodded his head, "Tell me please? Don't let it eat you up!" I sighed and tears rolled down my cheeks, "He's cheating on me with his ex wife. He's lying to me. He still has a box of her stuff in his closet. It was open yesterday." I started crying more I could barely breathe. I stood there and I just cried.

He hugged me tightly, "Zee omg I'm so sorry. What a prick! I swear to god he's dead!" I could feel him tensing up. "I can stay at your place with you Zee?" I shook my head, "I have to face him. I need to know the truth so I don't have to be lied to anymore." He nodded. He lifted my sleeves to my crew neck. He knew me way to well. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore he's not worth your tears nor cuts." He ran his hand gently over my fresh cuts. We talked for a little more then he walked me back to Austin's.

I sighed, "He's home." He hugged me, "Are you sure you don't want to-" "Morgan I'm sure. Thanks though." I hugged him and started walking up the driveway. I walked in the house. "Where have you been? I've been worried sick." Austin walked up to me and looked at me in concern. I looked up at him. Angry now. How could he just lie about his feelings. I didn't answer him. I just walked upstairs and into the room. There was the box again open and out of the closet. A tear rolled down  my cheek.

Austin grabbed my hand turning me to look at him. "Zundra what's wrong?" He looked over at the box and sighed. "I was going to throw it out." "Austin do not lie to me! I'm sick of you lying! I really am. I know you were with that slut Gielle! I know you were drunk, I know you two had sex.-" He was about to say something. "No don't interrupt I don't need anymore lies to hear. I gave you my trust, I was always honest with you." I started crying. He went to hug me, "Don't touch me." He backed up.

"Zundra, I-I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I 've been depressed lately-" and so was I, "Austin that's why I'm here. So you can talk to me! I'm depressed to! I have no family. THERE ALL DEAD!" I was raising my voice now and I started crying more, "There is not a day that has gone by where suicide wasn't in my mind. But I pushed it away because I had you. But now," Tears were rolling down his cheek now. He looked at my arms. I looked at them too noticing blood was coming through the sleeve. He grabbed my arms and pushed the sleeves up.

"Zundra, babe. No, I'm sorry. I love you. I really do. I know your depressed. I just didn't want to make you more depressed with my problems." I was fed up with his excuses. "I'm sorry too." He looked at me confused, "For what?" "I can't be with you. I can't live with knowing that somebody I love the only person I have right now, is lying to me. Cheating and lying. I'll be here for the rest of my stuff tomorrow." I grabbed my bag and phone and walked downstairs crying. "Zundra please don't go! I love you I didn't mean to hurt you. Give me a second chance." I got to the door and looked up at him. "No, I can't do that. Sorry." I opened the door to find Alan, "Hey Zundra how are you-" He saw I was crying then looked at Austin and saw he was too. "Zundra," He looked at me with sad eyes realizing what was going on.

"Don;'t leave him Zundra he love's you he really does. He didn't mean to do what he did." Alan knew. How did he know? "I'm glad you knew before me. I'm glad I had to find out myself. Alan move please." Alan shook his head and didn't move, "I knew because Austin called me right away and confessed to me. He was crying hard." I couldn't take this anymore I don't have pity for what he did. "Alan please let me leave." i was now pleading for him to let me. I was still crying. He finally moved and I ran out the door and down the street as far as I could go. I collapsed on the ground crying and gasping for air.

I caught my breath and calmed down a bit. I called Morgan and told him to meet me at my place a.s.a.p. He knew I was crying but he didn't question  me. I walked home.

I finally got there after almost an hour of walking. I walked in knowing Morgan was already there. I shut the door and broke down crying again this time not caring. Morgan ran to me immediately and comforting me, telling me it was for the best once in awhile.

I was finally calm after an hour of crying and telling Morgan what happened at Austin's. Morgan wouldn't let go of me he just laid beside me and cuddled under the blankets with me on my bed. I heard my phone vibrating. I reached over and grabbed it. It was Austin. 50 missed calls from him and 20 from Alan. I read the messages.

Austin:Baby please, give me another chance. I love you.

Austin: I know you probably hate me but please answer your phone.

Austin:I get it. You don't want to talk. But please don't hurt yourself anymore.

Alan: Zundra please give it a couple days. We need Austin back in a few days for tour. You made him happy, he needs you.

I decided to text Alan back.

Me: He should of thought of that before.

I turned off my phone and cuddled closer with Morgan. He was sleeping already. I started crying again, it made me tired. All this crying made my eyes heavy. I tried keeping my eyes open but I ended up falling asleep.