𝕀'𝕝𝕝 𝕎𝕒𝕚𝕥 // ~switz~

13

Within an hour the large house was filled with people, nearly all of them intoxicated. It had been months since they'd had a party like this. Eric waited nervously by the door, and drink after drink, Cameron never came in. After his eighth drink he decided to walk to the kitchen. 'Only for a second' he thought, surely he wouldn't miss Cam. He pushed by the groups of people, talking loudly about all sorts of topics. "..he was a war criminal.. yknow? And they just let him out.." "I mean you can use a dildo however you want.. Im just saying the suction ones.."
"I was telling her this the other day.. if your bud is dry just wet your finger.." Finally he reached the counter. Tobi was standing on the other side talking with someone Eric didn't recognize. "Have you seen Cameron?!" He shouted over the music and voices. She looked to him and cupped her hand around her ear, shaking her head. "Have you seen Cam?!" He repeated louder. She shrugged shaking her head. He turned away from her, searching the room for the sixtieth time that night. "Did you say Cameron?" Someone said from beside him. He looked to the brunette and nodded. "You mean like Fitz? Is he going to be here? I heard he was supposed to be hear tonight."  He shook his head, "I don't know where he is right now. Im sorry." She nodded, mouthing an 'oh.' "Oh Wait! You're swagger right? The mask and everything." He nodded, "that's me," he said quickly, chuckling slightly. "Do you want me to help you look for him?" He shook his head quickly, raising a hand dismissively. "That's ok, thank you though."
Before he had a chance to react she'd taken his hand, holding it gently and tried to pull him towards the patio door. "You're trembling!" She said worriedly, releasing his hand.  "Im ok," he said quickly. She shook her head and dug around in her crossbody purse at her waist. "Here," she said pulling out something and, grabbing his hand, she placed it in his palm. He brought his hand back and looked at the small blue pill she'd given him. "That'll help your anxiety." She said politely. He thanked her, "Ill be back," he added before walking past her, as soon as he was behind her he pulled down his balaclava and brought the pill to his mouth. Popping it in and taking a swig from his bottle. He entered the bathroom, "fuck.. I really am trembling," he whispered as he locked the door, fumbling with the knob. Knowing what to do, he sat his drink and mask on the counter, and lied flat on the floor. He took long deep breaths focusing on the feeling of his lungs expanding and deflating. 'You're ok, Eric,' he repeated continually. '1... 2... 3,' when he heard a knock at the door. His heart flipped, the trembling returning instantly. He jumped up, and unlocked the door. Forgetting his drink as he pushed past the stranger, a muffled, "SwaggerSouls!" As he left them and headed down the hallway. 'Need out.' He thought as he turned the corner and walked quickly to the front door. He stepped out on the porch closing the door behind him. There was a couple sitting in one of the chairs on the porch, a short blonde on the lap of her boyfriend, exchanging a heated makeout session. They hadn't noticed the short man standing awkwardly and bouncing on the balls of his feet his hands in his jacket. 'I'll walk,' he thought defiantly. And, without any more thought, he left into the quiet night.

Cameron entered the house at 11:36 pm, various illegal drugs filling his pockets. He walked up to the counter searching nervously for Eric. He hadnt stopped thinking of the shorter since he'd hung up; the heaviness in his voice sat in Cameron's chest the whole ride home. Tobi approached the counter swaggering slightly, "Hey! Cameron!  Eric was looking for you.." Cameron nodded. "Where is he?" She glanced around, "he was juss 'ere." She slurred. 'This isnt going to be easy,' he thought, realizing he very well may be the only sober person here. Telling Tobi not to touch anything on the counter, he left to search for Eric. Thinking of the shorter curled up in his bed, alone and worried, he rushed down the hallway.

10: 52 pm

Beggining to feel the effects of what he now knew to be a downer, a strong one at that, Eric headed back to the house quickly. Luckily, he hadn't gotten far and seeing his breath through his balaclava in the October air, he made it home relatively shortly. He stumbled up to the porch, noticing the couple were now gone, before bracing himself and entering the noisy house. His head began to swirl as he observed all the guests from the doorway. He thought of Cameron and his heart fluttered, leaving behind a sinking feeling in his chest. "W- where's cam?.." he whispered helplessly. Things were getting worse by the second and he feared for his ability to search the taller anymore.  He stepped inside, his vision blurred as he searched for the hallway, for a couch or counter, anything to anchor him, but he could only see faces. Swirling blurry faces each way he turned. His heartbeat could be heard in his ears; a throbbing, swelling feeling in his head. Until suddenly, "Eric?.." her voice rung out so clearly to him, through the voices, the music, the throbbing. Turning around to meet her, her face was just as clear, the first he'd seen in what felt like hours. But then, he remembered, that her face wasn't a comforting one. "B- Bea?" He mumbled, "quite a party!" She yelled over the music.Eric shook his head in agreement, looking around a bit and realizing he'd ended by the coffee table. "Can we talk somewhere?" He wished to pretend he hadn't heard her, but again he nodded his head, starting over to the hallway. He pushed past a few people before getting to his door, stepping inside with Bea right behind him. She closed it behind her and stood with her hands held over her waist. "I just wanted to get my stuff.. I've been texting you." He shook his head, "broke my phone." He lied, opening his bedside table, and flushing as he pushed aside the lube and retrieved her charger. He started over to the closet when she stopped him, "how'd you break it?" She prodded; she always knew when Eric was lying. "Dropped it down the fucking stairs, y'know me." He said not looking back at her and opening the closet. He searched the clothes piled on the floor, finally retrieving her baby blue hoodie. "Why are you lying?"  She asked as he closed the door. He shrugged, "why's it matter?" She tisked, rolling her eyes. "I just think you could've returned my stuff without me having to show up here." He went to the bathroom to grab her two hairties; the last memory of her. He'd sat them under the sink, sick of seeing them and being reminded every time he went for a piss. "Don't you think you at least owed me that much?" He stopped in his tracks, still bent over with his hand gripping the hairties. He picked them up and closed the cabinet. "I did, you're right. Its just.. been a rough couple of weeks.." She scoffed, "well at least you didnt spend them alone right?.." she retorted coldly. Eric shook his head, his guilt turning into anger. "Bea.. you really dont know what it's been like for me. You think I just danced off into the sunset with someone new? Of course I haven't. You make it seem like you were nothing to me." She crossed her arms and gestured toward him, "You made it seem like I was nothing to you Eric." He shook his head, he didn't want to hear anymore. He didn't think he could, the guilt was swallowing him. "I'm sorry Bea.. Im so sorry for making you feel that way. I think about it everyday.. every night. I can't sleep anymore. I can't eat.. Bea you were never nothing to me.. please know that.." Her face softened, her arms falling to her sides. "Then what happened? Can you please just tell me what happened to us?" He started to speak, but couldn't find any words. He felt dizzy again and, though he was standing, stumbled a bit to the side before catching himself and repositioning. "I-.. Bea.. I dont know. I dont know what happened." She nodded, keeping her head down. "I still miss you.." she whispered, he almost didnt hear her; alone in his room with her he wished he hadn't. He didn't miss her. He hated himself for what he'd done to her, but he didn't miss her. "If you feel so bad about it surely you miss me. Do you really not miss me at all?" He searched for an appropriate answer, but before he could find one she was approaching him, "I think you miss me Eric. I think thats why you're losing sleep and why you can't eat, you still love me. Don't you?" She finished with a whisper, now inches from him. She ran her hand up his arm and shoulder, holding the back of his neck. In shock, he hadn't had time to push her away before she kissed him softly. Now taking his face in her other hand, she kissed more deeply. He had just came to his senses when he heard his voice, "Eric?.."