12/22/20
i'm lonely and sad.
my chest is aching for those wonderful feelings of joy, when i smile so much it hurts, when i hear my friend's laughter and i can't help but laugh myself. those days where my feelings of sadness are drowned out by my love for my friends and the happiness they bring me.
sometimes, on days like today, those aren't enough. i'm too tired to involve myself in the conversation, so i simply stay quiet, my brain feeling fuzzy and unfocused, while my friends chat away about something i don't really care about.
i can feel that brief feeling of joy seeping through the cracks, leaving only a dry, hollow feeling in my chest. i feel like something is missing.
i left the call. my friends left soon after me, so it's not like i could go back even if i wanted to. i think i can feel the physical weight of this crushing loneliness. why do i feel so lonely? i swear i never used to get this lonely. what happened?
i think this is temporary, but man, does it hurt.
