12/23/20
things have changed so much
since when i was younger.
when i was a kid,
things were simpler.
i liked going to family parties on my dad's side
because i never got to see my cousins.
i haven't been to one in two years,
because when i was there
i felt out of place
because i knew that, to them,
i'm just the odd one out.
one christmas,
me and my cousin lied in the snow.
it was quiet
and cold
and we just lied there
staring up at the stars.
i don't feel like i know him anymore.
he's kind of a dick.
i lived far out,
up in the hills of oregon.
it was beautiful
sometimes it snowed in the summer
and it rained a lot
but it was home
and nothing can match the view of the ocean.
sometimes, when i pass by a big lake,
i like to look at it
and pretend
that i'm still there.
my favorite color was blue.
my second favorite was purple,
both cold colors.
nowadays, my favorite color is yellow
and warm colors feel more fitting.
when i was a kid, i had anger issues,
and now
more often than not,
i'm just sad.
when i was younger, i thought romance wasn't for me,
and now i think about it all the time.
i've had two crushes
and it's been the same guy both times.
i used to feel smart,
and now
i just look at my assignments
and cry.
i used to not wonder who i am,
or maybe
it just didn't matter.
but maybe these changes
are for the better?
my old friends
weren't the best
and i have lots now
who all care about me
even if
it doesn't always feel like it.
i try to find beauty in the small things
my friends' laughter
sunflowers
indie music
the many shades of yellow
dressing up nice.
and things are really hard right now.
and they'll be hard for a while
but i've lived through it all
and i'll keep living
i promise
that i'll keep living.
