my first and last || renmin

O n e - Support Group

Renjun's legs dangled on the exam table as his mother talked.

"He never leaves the house and he's finishing all the food!" Mrs. Huang explained to Dr. Seo, Renjun's oncologist.

"I'm not depressed." Renjun deadpanned.

"He reads the same novel over and over-"

"He's depressed."

"I'm not!" Renjun whined.

"Sometimes he doesn't even get out of bed!" Dr. Seo pushed her hair back, thinking.

"I'll probably switch you to Zoloft or Lexapro. Twice a day instead of once."

"Why stop? Keep them coming, I can take it. I'm like the Keith Richards of cancer kids."

You see, Renjun has thyroid cancer and recently it spread to his lungs.

He got diagnosed three years ago when he was 13 and it was pretty disheartening for little 13 year old Renjun...

But he got used to it.

He got used to the hair loss, the pills, the weight gain, the doctor appointments.

Oh yeah, and how could he forget about the oxygen tank that he had to drag around everywhere.

The oxygen tubes that went up his nose always brought unwanted attention and pity.

The booklets and websites always listed depression as a side effect of cancer, in Renjun's opinion it wasn't a side effect of cancer.. but more of a side effect of dying.

Which was happening to him.

"Have you been going to the support group that I suggested?" Dr. Seo asked, Renjun turned his head to his mom instead of answering.

"He's gone a few times.." Mrs. Huang mumbled.

"I don't think it's for me." Renjun stated.

"If you're depressed-" Renjun let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm not dep-"

"Support groups are great to meet people who are going through what you're going through." Dr. Seo carried on, ignoring Renjun.

"I told you, I don't think it's for me."

"Come on, please? Give it a chance.. For me?" Dr. Seo begged at her patient.

Renjun rolled his eyes, he knew that he had already lost this battle.

***

"We are all gathered, literally in the heart of jesus right now." Mark, the leader (?) of the support group babbled on.

Renjun shook his head, this was the lamest thing he could be doing right now.

"Who would like to share their story?" Mark asked looking around at the members of his support group, most of them under 18.

A pretty handsome male raised his arm, "Umm, I'm Jisung, I'm 15 and I have lymphoma."

"I'm Chenle, I'm 16 and I have ewing sarcoma.."

"I'm Mark, 34, and umm.. I had testicular cancer. It started a few years ago.."

Honestly, I'm sure you don't wanna hear the gory details of Mark's ball cancer.

Long story short, they found it in his ball sack, cut most of it out, he almost died but he didn't and now he's here, friendless, divorced and addicted to video games, exploiting his cancer experience in a church to show us that if we're lucky- we could be just like him.

"We're all here for you Mark." Everyone said in unison, Renjun moved his gaze from Mark to his only friend in this group, Jeno.

A blue haired kid with an eye patch.

"Who else would like to share?" Mark asked, expectancy in his voice.

No response, just complete silence.

"Renjun?" Mark awkwardly gestured for him to speak up.

"I'm uh, I'm Renjun, I'm 16. I have thyroid cancer but it recently spread to my lungs." Renjun nodded awkwardly with not much to say.

"And are you doing alright?" Mark asked, no harm meant in his question.

You mean besides the terminal cancer?

"Yeah, I- I guess." Renjun could see Jeno try not to laugh in the corner of his eye.

"We're here for you Renjun." Everybody said in unison.

***

Mrs. Huang sat in her car in the parking lot, reading a book while waiting for the Group to be over.

She saw the church door open and quickly averted her attention from the book.

Renjun walked out from the church and finally reached his mom's car.

"So, how was it?" Renjun sighed, staying silent and getting into the car.