my first and last || renmin

T w e n t y - Oblivion

A few days later Jaemin ended up in the hospital with chest pains.

Renjun entered the waiting room to find Mrs. Na sitting on one of the chairs.

She stood to hug Renjun and then they both sat.

"How's he doing?"

"He's had a tough night, Renjun. His blood pressure's low. His heart-" Mrs. Na started to cry.

"What about the chemo?" Mrs. Na shook her head.

"They're gonna stop the chemo." They both knew what that meant.

Mrs. Na gathered herself.

"Can I see him?" Renjun really wanted to see Jaemin but he could guess the answer.

"It's family only.. we'll tell him you were here." Renjun nodded, he understood.

"If you don't mind, I'll just just hang around for a while." Mrs. Na nodded and hugged him again before walking through the heavy doors towards Jaemin's room.

Renjun sat in the same chair that Jaemin had sat in while waiting for him.

They've switched places.

***

Renjun pushed Jaemin who was now in a wheelchair to their spot on the hill overlooking 'Funky bones'.

A second picnic, this time with champagne.

Renjun poured some for both of them into little Winnie the Pooh cups.

He was trying to be upbeat but it was difficult.

Jaemin watched the children play on the bones.

"What are you thinking about?" Renjun softly asked the male.

"Oblivion."

"Jaemin.."

"I know it's kid's stuff but... I thought I'd have a grand story to tell, you know? I thought I was special." Jaemin rambled on.

"You are."

"Yeah but.. you know what I mean." Renjun was now annoyed, he finished his cup before tossing it to the side.

Jaemin could tell he said something wrong.

"What?"

"I do know what you mean, I just... don't agree." Renjun stood up, anger building up.

"This obsession you have with being remembered-"

"Don't get mad-" Jaemin tried to calm the male.

"But I am mad! I think you're special... is that not enough? You think the only way to live a meaningful life is for everyone to remember you. Guess what, Jaemin, this is your life. This is all you get. Me, your family and this world. If that's not enough I'm sorry but it's not nothing. I'll remember you and I'll love you and I just wish.. I just wish you'd be happy with that." Renjun was on the verge of tears.

"You're right, I'm sorry." Jaemin pulled Renjun back down before handing him another Winnie the Pooh cup.

He raised his cup for a toast.

"It's a good life, Huang Renjun." Renjun softened and they toasted.

"It's not over yet, you know." Jaemin nodded, of course it wasn't.. but they both knew that there wasn't much time left.

***

Renjun was asleep, suddenly his phone buzzed.

He looked at it, 'Jaemin' flashed on the screen.

He looked at the clock, it was 2:35 am.

A massive pit grew in his stomach, he quickly tried calming himself before answering.

"Hello?" Renjun answered, panic evident in his voice.

"Huang Renjun." Renjun heard Jaemin on the other line, he sounded weak.

"Oh, thank god. Hi. Hi, I love you!" Renjun exclaimed, relieved.

"I'm at the gas station-"

"What?"

"Something's wrong. You gotta... Please come help me." Renjun's panic returned.

***

Renjun drove like a maniac down the street, eventually he reached the Speedway gas station.

Jaemin's car was alone in the parking lot and he pulled up next to it.

He got out of his car and opened the driver's side door.

Renjun found Jaemin sitting there, his shirt stained with vomit and blood.

He gagged from the smell.

"Hi." Jaemin mumbled weakly.

Renjun looked down at Jaemin's hands which were pressed tightly to his belly.

He saw something leaking from the tube sticking out of it.

"Oh god, Jaemin, I'm calling 911." Renjun took out his phone in panic.

"No! Please! Renjun, listen to me. Don't call 911 or my parents- I'll never forgive you, don't, please." Jaemin started to cry.

"Please just look at it." Renjun lifted up his shirt, his abdomen was bright red.

"I think it's infected.." Renjun felt his forehead, he was burning up.

"Jaemin, what the- why are you even here? Why aren't you at home?" Jaemin threw up, he didn't even have the energy to turn his mouth away from his lap.

"I wanted to buy some cigarettes. I lost my pack.. or they took it... I don't know. They said they'd get me another one but I wanted... to do it myself. Do one little thing myself." Renjun didn't know what to do.

"I can't fix this. I have to call 911, I'm sorry."

"No, Renjun, please!" But he had to.

Renjun took out his cellphone again and dialed, Jaemin lost it, he weeped like the poisoned, dying teenage boy that he was.

"I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate this, I hate this.." Renjun could hear Jaemin say to himself as he shook badly in the car seat.

Renjun wished he could say that Na Jaemin kept his sense of humour till the end, that he did not for a moment waver in his courage and that his spirit soared like an eagle to the sky...

But that was not what happened.