my first and last || renmin

T w e n t y F i v e - Okay

Renjun and Jeno had climbed through Jeno's open bedroom window.

They sat on the roof.

"Do you know if it hurt or whatever?" Jeno asked.

"He was really fighting for breath, I guess. He eventually went unconscious but it seems like yeah, it wasn't great or anything. Dying sucks." Renjun stared up at the stars.

"It just seems so impossible.." Jeno held onto his knees that were up to his chest.

"Jaemin really loved you, you know?" Jeno said, a tight lipped smile on his face.

"I know." Renjun looked down at his legs, reminiscing about all his memories with his star-crossed love.

"He wouldn't shut up about it." Jeno carried on.

"I know." Renjun let out a soft giggle.

"It was annoying."

"It didn't find it that annoying." They sat there in silence for a few seconds.

"Did you read the note or whatever from your author friend?"

"He's not my friend and how did you know about that?" Renjun turned towards his blind friend.

"We talked at the cemetery, said he came all this way to give you that." Jeno carried on.

"Ugh, I'm over it. I never want to read another word of that douche's ever again." Renjun rolled his eyes.

"Yeah but he didn't write it, Jaemin did." Jeno said nonchalantly.

"W- what?" Renjun was stunned.

"That's what he said. Jaemin wrote something and sent it to Jung-" Renjun stood up, his heart was racing.

"I.. I have to go. I... Are you...?"

"I do it all the time. Go." Renjun left as quickly as possible.

Jeno stayed behind, he was enjoying the cool night.

A new day was coming.

***

Renjun was inside his car, rummaging crazily through the trash in an effort to find what Jaehyun had given him.

He was about to give up but then he saw it- crumpled up into a ball beneath the passengers seat.

He reached under, pulling it out, unwrapping it and reading it.

"Mr. Jung, I'm a good person but a shitty writer. You're a good writer but a shitty person. We'd make a great team. I don't want to ask for any favours but if you have the time, and from what I saw you have plenty, please fix this for me. It's a eulogy for Renjun." Renjun was overcome with emotion.

"He asked me to write one and I'm trying, I just, I could use a little flair. See, the thing is... we all want to be remembered." He smiled to himself remembering the first time he and Jaemin ran into eachother and the staring contest in the Support Group.

"We all want to leave a mark." Renjun's eyes teared up but a smile was still on his face, he remembered driving (badly) in Jaemin's car and their first kiss at 'Funky bones'.

"But not Renjun. Renjun is different. Renjun knows the truth. He didn't want a million admirers, he just wanted one and he got it. Maybe he wasn't loved widely but he was loved deeply and isn't that more than most of us get? When Renjun was sick, I knew I was dying but I didn't want to say so. He was in the ICU and I snuck in for 10 minutes and sat with him before I got caught. His eyes were closed, his lungs were intubated... but his hands were still his hands, still warm and his pinky nails were painted this dark blue black colour and I willed myself to imagine a world without us, what a worthless world that would be." Renjun never knew the full story, he never knew that he was there while he was unconscious.

Renjun walked out to the grass behind his house, his oxygen tank dragging behind him.

He layed down on the grass and looked up at the stars.

"He's so beautiful. You don't get tired of looking at him. You never worry if he's smarter than you because you know he is. He's funny without ever being mean." Renjun reminisced about the magical dinner at Oranjee and the passionate kiss in the Anne Frank house.

"I love him, god, I love him. I'm so lucky to love him, Jaehyun... You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have a say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope he likes his. Okay, Huang Renjun?" Renjun held the letter to his chest, a single tear fell onto his cheeks.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath in before opening them again.

"Okay."

End