my first and last || renmin

T e n - Too Sick

Mr. Huang saw Jaemin, his foot tapped nervously on the floor.

It was unclear how long he had been waiting there.

Jaemin raced towards him.

"Mr. Huang! How's he doing?" Jaemin asked, worry hidden behind his smile.

"Better. Much better." Jaemin nodded, as relieved as everybody else.

"They won't let me in, family only." Jaemin shrugged, a pained smile on his face.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, I get it. Will you just.. will you tell him I was here?"

"Of course I will." Jaemin smiled, a genuine smile this time.

He sat back down, even though he wouldn't get to see Renjun, he still wanted to stay.

"Jaemin." Mr. Huang really liked this kid, he had to admit.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest?" Jaemin looked up, maybe that would be for the best.

***

Renjun and his parents sat at a very large conference table along with Dr. Seo and three other oncologists- his whole 'Cancer team'.

"The great news is that Phalanxitor continues to control your tumours." The first oncologist spoke.

"The not so great news is we're still seeing serious problems with fluid accumulation... So how should we proceed?" He carried on.

Silence.

Renjun looked around and waited for someone to answer but no one did.

"Um. I feel like I'm not qualified enough to answer that." Renjun broke the silence, tapping his fingers on the table.

"I was talking to Dr. Moon." Dr. Moon, one of Renjun's oncologists spoke next.

"It's a strange case. Normally the tumours start resisting the medication but that hasn't happened here yet.." Renjun heard the word "yet" the loudest.

"Unfortunately, it may be worsening the edema." Dr. Moon added.

"If we stopped it, we might face even bigger dangers." Dr. Seo spoke.

"So... we just do nothing?" Mr. Huang asked the oncologists.

"That's why we have to decide. The truth is, very few people have been on Phalanxitor as long as Renjun has. We don't know the long term effects." That comforted no one.

"Can't I just get a lung transplant or something?" The doctors look at each other as to say "Who wants to tell him?".

"You're not a strong candidate for a transplant.." Dr. Seo broke the news to Renjun.

Renjun took that in, nodding.

He tried to pretend that it didn't bother him.

Sensitive Mr. Huang on the other hand started to cry.

He grabbed his wife's hand for comfort.

As Dr. Moon droned on and on about cancer gobbledygook, Renjun's eyes remained firmly fixed on his parents hands.

He hated what he was doing to them.

Renjun stopped staring at his parents hands when they saw him looking.

He tried to shake it off, Dr. Moon was still talking nonsense when a question pops in Renjun's head.

"Can I still go to Amsterdam?" Dr. Moon couldn't help himself, he laughed.

Everyone looked at him before he cleared his throat.

"That wouldn't be wise."

"Why not?" Renjun asked, annoyed.

"Why not, Dr. Moon?" Renjun repeated again, passive aggressiveness clear.

"I-" Dr. Moon tried to think of a delicate answer.

"It would increase some risks.." Dr. Seo spoke.

"So does going to the mall, they have oxygen in airplanes. It's my life, right?" Renjun plead his case.

"Renjun, you're on stage 4-" Dr. Moon tried to explain.

"I have this opportunity I may never get again. If the medicine is working, why can't I just go?" Renjun held in the tears that were threatening to fall.

"You're just too sick. I'm sorry.." Dr. Moon had no delicate way to say it.

Everyone felt horrible now.

Dr. Seo, Mr. Huang, Mrs. Huang and even Renjun.

The meeting couldn't have gone any worse.