my first and last || renmin

T w e n t y F o u r - A Privilege

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? We can drive you-"

"No, I'd like to be alone for a while." Renjun hugged his mom and dad before walking alone towards the parking lot.

As he got into the car, Jaehyun approached.

"Could I hitch a ride?" Renjun didn't want to help this man.

"Just to the bottom of the hill." Renjun exhaled, fine.

"How did you even-"

"The Internet." Jaehyun said to the younger male who sat in the drivers seat.

"And you just.. bought a ticket?"

"The drinks are free drinks in first class." Jaehyun took out a flask from his coat pocket, taking a swig.

Renjun shook his head in disgust as he started to drive.

"Omnis cellula e cellula." Renjun ignored him.

"Your boy Na and I corresponded quite a bit in his last-"

"You read you fan mail now?"

"I wouldn't call him a fan, he despised me but was quite insistent that I attend his funeral and tell you what becomes of Anna and her mother. So here I am and that's your answer: Omnis cellula e cellula." Jaehyun spoke Renjun whose eyes focused on the road.

"I'm not in the mood."

"'Life comes from life.'" Renjun stopped right at the bottom of the hill.

"Goodbye Mr. Jung." Renjun pointed at the door next to the older male.

"You don't want an explanation?"

"Nope, thanks though. Now get out." Renjun pointed even more aggressively towards the door.

"You remind me of her." Jaehyun took a small sip from the flask before hanging his head.

Renjun let out a sigh, "I remind lots of people lots of people."

"She was 8, my daughter... She suffered.. beautifully. For so long." Renjun started to understand Jaehyun and softened up a bit.

"She had leukemia? Like Anna?"

"Just like her, yes."

"Were you married then?" Renjun questioned.

"Not when she died. I was insufferable long before Anna. Grief doesn't change you, Renjun, it reveals you." Renjun took that in.

"Well... I'm sorry for your loss." Renjun huffed out, both his hands rested on the stirring wheel.

"And I'm sorry for yours. I'm sorry for everything, for being so rude to the two of you, for ruining your trip-"

"You didn't ruin our trip, you asshole. We had an awesome trip." Renjun's dislike for the male returned.

"Renjun, I'm trying. I'm trying! You asked me to tell you what happens and I wish I could do that. I wish that I could but I can't. No one can, no one knows, Renjun. They don't talk to us. Unless.." Jaehyun took out a typed piece of paper.

He handed it to Renjun who grabbed it and immediately crumpled it into a ball.

"You think I care about that? I don't give a shit, Jaehyun." Renjun threw the crumpled piece of paper at him.

"You're a drunk, a jerk and a failure. I'd like you to get out of my car right now so I can go home and grieve." Renjun lost it.

"But-" Jaehyun was stunned.

"Get out of my car!" Jaehyun knew he was too late, he did as he was told, stepping out of the car and onto the side of the road.

He stood there as Renjun started to drive away.

In the rear view mirror, Renjun saw Jaehyun raise the flask as if he was toasting him.

He blinked away some tears and drove.

***

Renjun lied in front of the TV.

'Top model' was playing but he was lost in his own world.

Tears fell from his eyes and he couldn't do anything to stop it.

Renjun got up and went into the bathroom.

He sat against the tub on the floor and weeped.

Soon, there was a knock.

"Someone's in here." Renjun said through tears.

"Can I come in?" Renjun heard his father say through the door.

He leaned forward and unlocked the door.

Mr. Huang kneeled  down next to him, putting his son's head on his shoulder.

Renjun pressed his face into his father's shirt and cried some more.

Mr. Huang squeezed him tightly, this time he didn't cry.

"I'm so so sorry, Junnie... It was a privilege to love him though, wasn't it?" Renjun nodded into his shirt before looking up at his father.

"Gives you an idea of how we feel about you." Mr. Huang smiled at Renjun, he still didn't cry.

Renjun drew strength from his dad.