my first and last || renmin

E i g h t e e n - Not Dying

They entered Jaemin's hotel room and fell onto Jaemin's bed, kissing.

Renjun was very in the moment but Jaemin seemed nervous.

"It's above my knee." Renjun ignored him and kissed him more.

He took off Jaemin's shirt.

"It tapers a little then it's just skin-"

"What?" Renjun pulled him away.

"My leg... just so you're prepared-" Renjun smiled.

"Oh, get over yourself." Renjun kissed him again.

Now Jaemin tried pulling off Renjun's shirt but it got tangled with his oxygen tube, Jaemin couldn't figure it out.

The whole thing was hilarious to them, they shook their heads laughing.

"I love you, Na Jaemin." Renjun confessed, softly caressing the other boy's cheek.

"I love you too, Huang Renjun." They resumed their kissing.

Renjun fell in love with Jaemin like how you fall asleep.

Slowly.. and then all at once.

***

Jaemin woke up in the bed, he looked around for Renjun but he wasn't there.

On the bed was a piece of paper, a note.

"Dearest Jaemin.." Jaemin softly read the writing.

Beneath the writing was a big circle, labeled 'virgins' and in that circle was a smaller, second circle labeled '17 year old dudes with one leg'.

Part of the smaller circle was now outside of the bigger circle, Jaemin flashed a smile at no one in particular.

***

Renjun and Jaemin sat with Mrs. Huang drinking coffee in the sun at an outdoor cafè.

"It was awful, mom. You can't imagine." Renjun had just finished telling his mom about Jung Jaehyun, Jaemin giggled at the entire story.

"And then what happened?" Mrs. Huang sipped her coffee.

"We went to the Anne Frank museum."

"And then after that?" There was a quick glance between Renjun and Jaemin.

"We just.. went for a walk." Renjun and Jaemin smiled, thoroughly in love but trying to keep it in check in front of his mother.

"Sounds lovely... I'm gonna go stretch my legs a little. Give you two some time to talk." Renjun found that weird.

"Um.. okay.." As she stood up to leave, Renjun thought he caught Jaemin and his mom making eye contact for a brief second.

"That was weird." Renjun said once his mom had left them, Jaemin didn't know how to respond.

"Shall we?"

They started to walk, Jaemin took out a cigarette from his pack and stuck it in between his lips.

Renjun noticed that he was struggling with something.

"Jaemin?"

"There's something I have to tell you.." They walked in silence for a few more moments.

"Just before you went into the hospital.. There was this.. I felt an ache.. in my.. in my hip." Renjun grabbed onto his arm, a lump already forming.

"Oh no.." Jaemin took out the cigarette from his mouth, clenching his teeth and trying not to cry.

"I had a PET scan." Jaemin sat down on a bench, looking up at Renjun.

He tried to smile but before he even said it, Renjun knew.

"It lit up like a Christmas tree, Renjun.. The lining of my chest, my liver.. everywhere." Renjun lost it in that moment, he fell on top of Jaemin, hugging him for dear life, his head in Jaemin's lap.

"I'm so sorry, Jaemin. I'm so so sorry, it's so fucking unfair!" Jaemin was still trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry.. I should've told you.." Jaemin let it go, he let himself cry, he let himself feel sad, he let himself feel awful.

But that was only for a second.

He shook it off and pulled Renjun's face up to his, trying to smile again through his tears.

"Don't you worry about me, Huang Renjun. I'll find a way to hang around and annoy you for a long time." Renjun hugged him, perhaps a little too tightly because Jaemin winced.

"Does it hurt?" Renjun asked.

"I'm okay.. I'm okay.." Jaemin forced out a smile.

"Okay.." Renjun tried his best to hold in more tears that were threatening to fall.

"Okay."

Of course it wasn't okay, not by a mile.

Renjun took a moment to look at Jaemin, touching his cheek.

"What?"

"I'm just.. I'm very fond of you." Jaemin grabbed his hand and held it.

"Can you forget about it? Treat me like I'm not dying.. Please?" Renjun smiled, caressing Jaemin's cheek with his other hand.

"I don't think you're dying, Jaemin. You've only got a bit of cancer." Jaemin nodded, squeezing his hand.

"Would it be completely crazy to make out right now?" Renjun didn't answer, he just kissed him and he kissed him hard.

***

Renjun layed on Jaemin's shoulder as he stared out the window of the plane. They were leaving Amsterdam behind.