my first and last || renmin

E l e v e n - Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set

Renjun's parents brought him back home from the hospital.

He looked miserable.

It was clear that the last few days were a huge emotional set back.

His parents helped him to his room and tucked him in.

"We'll be right outside." Renjun nodded.

His phone buzzed and he looked at it.

It was a text from Jaemin.

Jaemin
Okay?

Renjun looked at it but he didn't write back.

***

Renjun sat and stared at nothing.

The house phone rang and Mr. Huang came in from another room with the phone in his hand.

"It's Jaemin again." He whispered.

Renjun thought about it before silently shaking his head 'no'.

"Sorry Jaemin, he's asleep." Mr. Huang said into the phone.

Renjun stood and went into his bedroom, clearly depressed.

***

Renjun read 'An imperial affliction' and  his phone buzzed again.

Jaemin
Hello?

Again, he ignored it and then there was a second text.

Jaemin
I can't stand the silence.

Renjun's heart broke, he couldn't take it anymore.

He picked up his phone and finally texted Jaemin back.

Renjun
I can't see you anymore.

Renjun
I mean I want to but I just can't.

Renjun thought carefully about the rest.

Renjun
I'm a grenade.

He sent the text, waiting for a moment and when there was more to say, he sent a second text.

Renjun
When I look at you, all I see is what I'm going to put you through. I can't have that.

Renjun
I'm sorry.

Renjun sent the text and waited, Jaemin wrote back.

Jaemin
Okay.

Renjun
Okay.

Jaemin
Oh my god!! Stop flirting with me!!

Renjun smiled, he couldn't help himself.

He got his emotions back in check before putting the phone away.

***

It was an ugly day, Renjun was just as miserable as the weather.

He walked out the back, looking at the clouds.

The rain was threatening to fall but not yet delivering it.

He sat down on the grass, on the verge of tears.

He looked at the old rusty swing set that's been in his backyard for years.

Just for a few brief moments, he let himself cry he then wiped away the tears and became strong again.

Renjun made a decision and dialed his phone.

"Huang Renjun!"

"Hi Jaemin.."

"Are you crying? Huang Renjun?"

"Kind of.."

"What's the matter?"

"I don't know.. I want to go to Amsterdam and I want him to tell us what happens at the end of the book and I don't want my particular life and also the sky is making me sad and there's this old swing set that my dad made for me when I was a kid. It's just.. everything." Renjun was on the verge of losing it again.

A few moments of silence went by.

"I demand to see this swing set of tears." Renjun let out a laugh through his tears as he wiped his snotty nose with his sweater paw.

***

"I see your point... That is one sad swing set." Jaemin joked, sitting next to Renjun in his backyard.

Renjun rested his head onto Jaemin's shoulder.

"Thanks for coming over."

"You do realise that trying to keep your distance from me won't lessen my affection for you." Renjun said nothing.

"All efforts to save me from you will fail." Renjun looked at him, he wasn't making this easy.

"Is this about Amsterdam? We don't have to g-"

"It's not about Amsterdam. It's about me. It's about-"

"Grenades." Renjun nodded.

"I get it. One day you're going to explode and everyone close to you will die in your wake." Renjun nodded again.

"There's already two people you're going to destroy, why add a third? Am I right?" Jaemin carried on.

"Exactly, that's why I don't have a hamster." Jaemin was quiet, he couldn't argue.

They sat quietly looking at the swing set.

"We have to do something about that freaking swing set."

***

Renjun sat at his computer screen writing a Craigslist post as Jaemin stood next to him.

"Swing set needs a home." Renjun typed.

"Desperately lonely swing set needs a loving home." Jaemin erased what Renjun had typed and put his title.

"Lonely, vaguely pedophilic swing set seeks butts of children." Renjun erased Jaemin's title and put his own again.

Jaemin let out a laugh at the ridiculous title.

"No?" Jaemin laughed harder and Renjun laughed with him.

"That's why." Renjun looked at him, not understanding.

"That's why I like you. You're so busy being yourself that you don't understand how utterly unprecedented you are." Renjun absorbed that, his feelings for the boy in a tangle.