Another Life

11

Everyone at work seemed to know something was up because there wasn't any word from them that would be considered annoying - no picks at me cause I was stationed at my desk, no sly inappropriate questions, no repetitively asking why Jay and I had been MIA for the first hour or so of work - they had all been quiet and kept to themselves and I wasn't sure if I liked that or not. I missed not having to turn around in my chair a hundred times in just a few minutes to flick the back of Adam's head or to shoot a glaring look to Kevin over the desks, but at the same time I was thankful no one brought anything up because I wasn't ready to probably break down into a nervous wreck in the middle of the bullpen.

I guess the case was keeping me busy, in fact it was keeping everyone busy, but it wasn't enough; I couldn't go thirty seconds before my head switches back into that doctor's office listening to just the static coming from the doppler.

Just as I realize I've done it again I have enough time to rub my eyes subtly before Voight swung his office door open, looking directly to me. "Upton." He calls.

I nod to my name. "Yeah?"

He quickly asks me to run downstairs and grab some papers left behind for him from Platt's desk and in a rush to get out of the bullpen I get up from my chair, heading off down the stairs before anything else could be said or before someone else could offer to do the task. I don't know why but I felt as though everyone was staring at me and Jay, waiting for one of us to crack and reveal what had happened that morning and why we were slightly on edge.

I took in a sharp breath when I reached the desk to get Trudy's attention and she hums, not turning her head to look at me and keeping them planted in the computer. I didn't wait for her to turn, it wasn't going to happen, so instead I just requested the papers I had been sent down to fetch.

As she handed me the papers, Platt furrows her brows and gives me a quizzical look. "I didn't ask before cause you had Chuckles with you, but how'd the appointment go earlier?" She asks.

My eyes widen slightly, with half surprise she had even asked and half with the reaction of trying to keep my eyelids away from each other, if they touched I'd probably tear up.

Trudy's reaction copies mine, with a lot more sass written in her eyes compared to mine. "What are you looking at me like that for? You can't be surprised I asked, I've known you a long time, Upton, I care, I'm a very caring person."

I force a nod and a smile in her direction to respond quickly so she doesn't get suspicious, but the catch in my voice ruins the whole façade. "Yeah, all's good."

Platt eyes me, clearly not believing a word I was saying, but at first she doesn't speak, just watches me intensely as if waiting for me to break.

And then I remember the silence of the office, the only thing I can hear is the static from the doppler reminding me that not everything is all's good, that really nothing is all's good. The next thing I can register is being dragged into a far corridor in the district behind the desk and then my vision becomes blurry, tears begging for release as all I can focus on is that static still playing, ringing loudly in my head.

Trudy shoos a few officers coming in to the corridor, telling them to scram with a curse before she puts her attention back to me, putting her hands on top my shoulders. "Hailey, what is it?"

I couldn't get the words out. I didn't even know how to explain it. How would you explain it? That there was a possibility that everything just fine and we were worrying about nothing or that it was possibly the worst it could get, that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, but that we were gonna have to wait a fortnight to find it out and that I was a nervous wreck about what we will be told in two weeks because I can't stand the thought of it being the latter? Yeah, I didn't really know how to explain it.