Another Life

3

With Will's words ringing in my head over and over again I got to my feet, brushing the sour aftertaste out of my mouth before basically bolting out of the house, borrowing Will's car rather than hunting around the house for the keys to my own car - we never used it, opting to use Jay's truck because it already had Macie's car seat inside most of the time and that was a hassle to move, so the keys could have been anywhere and currently I didn't have the patience to look for them.

I took off for the corner store a few blocks away, the actual pharmacy was too far away, getting there in record time and rushing inside. The woman behind the counter must have thought I was being chased or something with how I entered the store, but I was able to sigh a huge breath of relief when I saw it wasn't the usual clerk behind the register, I wasn't prepared to explain to someone when I couldn't wrap the thought around my head entirely.

As I was in the store I slowed my pace, the feeling of everyone inside the store staring directly at me as I hesitated more with each step the closer I got to the isle. There wasn't anyone inside that isle, or the ones beside it, so I ducked inside and scanned my eyes up and down the shelves, grabbing one of the plainer and less obvious boxes so the vibrant color wouldn't show through the bag before going over to the counter, sliding the bills along the top for the clerk and snatching the bag from her hands when she outstretched it toward me.

I was back home in no time, throwing Will his keys for his car on my way back up the stairs without so much as a word exchanged between the two of us. Luckily he stayed downstairs with Macie as I went up to take the test wrapped in the bag stuffed into my jacket pocket.

As I locked the bathroom door the weight of everything came down on me, slowing down my every action. Two minutes ago I couldn't wait to take it, get it over with and find out the result, but now I wasn't so enthusiastic on the idea, if that's what you'd call it. The nervousness of knowing the result sitting over me, the ever-lasting nausea feeling making its presence known again as I reached into my pocket and took out the bag, revealing the box inside. I ripped open the box, throwing it down on the floor beside the bowl I was now sat on after I pulled the white and blue test from inside.

The reality of having to take it sinks in suddenly as I stare at the blank test, knowing that in a few minutes I'd know the result of something that could completely change my life, change our life.

Jay and I had only been married a month. This couldn't be happening. 

We had never discussed having kids, ever, and we had only been engaged three months when I had found out I was pregnant with Macie, that turned everything upside down. After she was born we took extra precautions to not make it happen again - at first because she was still so young and we didn't want to risk having a second baby whilst Mae was still one herself. Eventually we just decided to keep up with the cautious thing because we weren't sure if we wanted another one, and the jury was still out on that question to this day, especially as we were dealing with Macie's temper tantrums on a very much daily basis, we couldn't be adding another person into the mix of that.

Rather than dwelling on the possibility of the result, I just take it, putting the cap back on the tip and resting the test in my lap as I waited for the test to do what it was supposed to. I wanted so badly to put it by the sink and ignore it until the three minute timer I made in my head buzzed but I couldn't keep my eyes from the stick as I watched it for the answer.

The first line appeared quickly and it made my heart rate pick up inside my chest as the nervous nauseous feeling just got worse. I tried looking up, focusing on something else that wasn't a tiny stick still in the process of retrieving the answer or a tiny screen currently displaying a faint singular pink line, but it didn't work. I began picking at my nails, managing to keep my attention on that for a literal two seconds before my eyes were glued to the test in my lap again.