Another Life

17

My feet felt rooted to the ground as my gaze just locked on the radio perched on the top of Trudy's desk. I could feel Platt's eyes on me but I don't bother to meet hers, all I could focus on was the radio and the fact I felt as though I couldn't breathe.

Platt clearly picks up on this as she darts around the desk, rushing up in front of me and putting her hands on my shoulders like she had done the day that Leah couldn't find the baby's heartbeat on the doppler, blocking my view of the desk and it makes me quickly shift my eyes from side to side as if me not looking directly to her would mean she wouldn't be able to see the tears burning up in my eyes.

"Upton, look at me." She instructs and I quickly shake my head.

I couldn't.

The words come out in a clutter, resembling a blubbering mess, and it's like all knowledge of what each radio code means and what was just said over the radio flew out of the window. "What do they mean? Officer down? It can't. I can't, I can't do it."

Trudy moves her head to try and meet my gaze but I move it away, avoiding it at all costs. "Can't do what?"

Now I meet her eyes, seeing them filled with worry. My words aren't as messy, and they come out as an actual sentence. "I can't sit around here, I have to go there." I say before breaking free from her hands on my shoulders.

Platt puts her hands back up, stopping me before I could take off toward the door. "You can't do that, you're pregnant."

"I don't care, I have to go. They're a five minute drive, three if I have the lights on, I'll be back before you know it, I just- I have to go and see what's going on." I say, getting loose from her grip and taking off.

She talks as she chases after me. "Hailey, for all we know there's a group of people targeting cops, killing them, putting them in the hospital. What if one of them got free and catches you? What if you get shot? What if while you're in surgery the baby goes into distress like it did with Macie? They can't take him out, he's not viable yet, he won't make it." She says as she grabs my arm from behind.

I spin on my heels and my voice raises loudly as I try to fight off the tears even more. "I can't just sit here and wait, it might be Jay out there that was hit, I can't, Trudy, I just can't."

She pulls me back into the district, as I had just managed to get down the stairs before she caught up with me, and shakes her head. "I know, but you're gonna have to try, you can't risk your own life, not until you have someone with you."

My voice is pleading at this point. "Well you come with me then."

"Hailey, the safest place for you right now is here, you can't go outside. You have to think about yourself, about Macie and about your son. If you go out there you will be putting yourself in danger, putting your baby in danger."

And then the dam breaks, tears streaming down the side of my face and everything cracks. "I can't just wait." I repeat in a choked whisper.

Trudy brings me in for a rare hug and I graciously accept, clinging on to her as the emotion rushes over me. "You're doing the right thing, staying here."

We wait another minute, me refusing to let go of her and despite the fact I can tell she wants to pull away she doesn't, letting me stay where I was until I could just about here the radio from behind her, and at first I don't look up, I just let the words go in one ear and out the other and a second too late I recognise the voice.

"5021 George, one offender down, other offenders are in custody."

I pull away from Platt and look around her to the radio still sat on the desk. The tears were still streaming down my face and they didn't show any signs of slowing down as I start overanalysing what I had just heard over the radio.