Another Life

43

I do what Jay told me to and get to my feet. They're wobbly at first but the time to think about that or focus on it definitely wasn't now. I unlock and open the door and already Jay is stood there, staring down at me with the nervous wreck look on his face. He looks how I feel.

Jay shakes his head quickly. "You might be what? Pregnant? H- how? Wha- what makes you think that?" He stammers.

I drop my chin down to my chest and look up, watching his movements intently. "I'm late and I haven't been late since Alfie was born, and then there was the whole thing at the butchery this morning."

Jay brings one hand up and rubs at his face, the other scratching at the back of his neck. He scrunches his face up and then suddenly drops his hands back to his sides. "Well have you taken the test yet?" He asks, his voice raising slightly.

I wince, taking a step backwards without noticing. It was reflex for me to move away from someone was raising their voice, it had been for years. There's a moment of panic on Jay's face as he looks to me and then eyes over himself. His voice automatically goes back to normal and he takes a steadying breath, shaking his head again.

"Hey, no, I'm sorry," he quickly whispers before he takes another slow breath and a cautious step forward closer toward me. When I don't move away, he gently moves his hands up and grips them around my upper arms. "And we're gonna figure this out too, I promise, but we - you, you need to take the test first, okay?"

I send a subtle gaze across my shoulder to where the cabinet is and I can feel my heart starting to pound again and the tightness in my chest makes it so it's starting to become difficult to breathe again.

Jay seems to noice the tenseness in my arms because the next thing I know he's giving my arms a gentle squeeze that sends my gaze flying back in his direction.

He then shoots me a reassuring glint in his eyes. "It's okay. We're gonna be okay."

His words bring an unconscious smile to my face and they instantly remind me of the first time I heard him whisper those words, standing in the living room of our old apartment after the most hellish day so far. He whispered them as my head spun with so many thoughts at once and as my eyes pricked because all I wanted to do was be a better cop, a better person, a better girlfriend but I was trapped in my head that maybe I was stuck in my old habits, too far-gone. He whispered them as one crazy thought lead to another and I blurted out how we should get married, just months into our relationship. He whispered them to me when I needed to hear them the most, and the look on Jay's face right now he knows what he said rings a bell to both of us, and he's trying to send me a message.

We got through that, we can get through this.

So I nod and peel myself away from his arms, take another glance at the cabinet before putting my gaze back on him. "Are you sure?" I ask quietly.

Jay doesn't say anything in return, just blinks slowly and nods his head.

I sink my shoulders further down when I realise that yes, I need to take the test, but there might be one problem with that. "I don't have to pee." I mutter and can't help notice the small upturn that hints at Jay's lips at that.

************

So five drinks and a painstakingly slow half-hour later, the test had finally been taken and I put it on the top beside the sink this time. I went over and opened the bathroom door again and Jay came in, the two of us ending up sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the side of the bathtub.

We're only quiet for a moment before Jay angles his head in my direction but doesn't move it all the way, and keeps his gaze locked somewhere beside me. "I'm really sorry about earlier, Hailey, the whole raising my voice thing, I just freaked out, I got panicked. I wasn't thinking properly."