Chasing A Dream

5. Disbelief

Tara's POV

I cried myself to sleep last night. It took hours but eventually I drifted off into the blackness. I dreamed about Theo again last night only this time as worse, much worse

DREAM

I was in the woods again and he was stood above me as i lay in the mud. His deep laughter echoed around our surroundings. Every time i tried to stand back up he'd push me down again as i cried, he would laugh at me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I could hear the waver in my voice and no doubt he would have spotted it too. At first he didn't answer but when he did his words stung my heart.

"Why do you think? You need to learn your place! I am your mate and i can do as i please with you. You will listen to me and you will follow my orders."

I couldnt help but look down at the greound below me. Thats what i felt like. The dirt below his face.

"Aren't you supposed to love me?"

"Why would i love someone like you? No. I wouldn't, but you're stuck with me."

REALITY

I feel so ashamed. How could I let someone like him do this to me? Why have I been matched with him? We're nothing alike. I’m kind where as he’s self-centred. I never thought id be forever without my mate but I am not staying with him, even if it means I have to reject him.

I've heard the rumours about what can happen to a wolf if they are rejected by their mates. They become dead inside. Their wolf feels no reason to live and eventually abandons them. Leaving them to suffer alone. Completely alone. Without your would, you don’t just become human. You become the living dead. All emotion has left you and you find your body living without a purpose and without a soul. Id hate to ever end up like that. They say it can happen when your mate died, rejects you or you just never find them. Eventually your wolf gives up. However some people say that its not only the rejected that will suffer but the rejecter also. It is thought that although the rejected will deteriorate quicker, so will the rejecter. Without each other they are incomplete and one after the other, they will both suffer the same pain and the same fate.

Then again, others say that as long as the rejection is early in the mating before anything can happen, then in some cases both wolves can move on before their inner wolves become attached to eachother, meaning they can lead their own separate and happy lives. Of course they are never a happy as they would have been if they were mated together, but it allows a safe rejection.

Why am I even thinking about this? I cant reject him! He’s an alpha! Ill be killed point blank or thrown to a bunch of prisoner rogues for something like that! But then again I don’t want to mate with him and if he’s alpha maybe that means he=is extra strength might help him overcome the rejection. Wait, what if he’s thinking of rejecting me? No, he wouldn’t be. Would he? Of course not. He put that friggin' thing on me. If he was going to reject me then why make it so no other male could touch me.

Unless he’s just playing me around. Maybe he wants everyone to know I’m the alphas mate. Maybe he wants everyone to watch me get rejected and die. Yeah that sounds right. He just wants to watch me fall. To prove I couldn’t be his Luna of the pack. Well that’s fine by me. But I wont fall. He will.

I lure him in the ill reject him before he can reject me. I wont let him hurt me. I wont let any man hurt me. Ever. I come from a long line of German wolves. All the women in my family, have been strong, smart, sophisticated and independent. That isn’t ending yet. My wolf let out a painful howl that bounced inside my head causing an angonisng pain before she began to talk to me.

What are you doing? Can't you see he cares for you? For us. Don't ruin this for us. He's my mate. He's your mate. He's our mate.

He doesn’t care for us. He doesn’t care for anyone but himself.

Stop being so stubborn and blind. If he didn’t care for you, he wouldn’t have marked your aura. If he didn’t care then why was he beating that guy up. Remember the guy that hurt you, then he grabbed hold of him?

Not everything can be solved by violence. That encounter only made him seem worse.

He’s a wolf remember and an alpha wolf at that! He was acting on his wolf instincts. Anyone could see the jealousy and anger in his eyes! He cares for you, he was trying to protect you! Would you rather he’d sat in front of the guy and calmly asked for an apology?

Well, no.

What was that? Was that a no? Why not?

He shouldn’t have gotten involved I the first place!

He’s your mate! You belong to him! He can do whatever he wants where you’re concerned.

I don’t belong to anyone! Now get lost!!

I wasn’t expecting her to actually disappear. But she did. She closed off the connection between us. It meant I could still feel her sorrow and her anger but we couldn’t communicate with each other. So now I was left to the silence one again. The silence of my room as I lay in bed. All I could heart was the beat of my heart ant the song of the birds from the trees outside my window. Everything felt calm. You wouldn’t think that I was panicking over who my mate was and you wouldn’t think that my mind was having a battle with itself. A vibration under my left shoulder, alerted me to my ringing phone. It was a number I didn’t recognise. Usually I wouldn’t answer calls like this, but after last night I’m feeling brave. I clicked the answer button and held it to my ear..

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Tara? Is that you?"

"Who is this?"

"It's Theo."