This Thing Called Life

Chapter Six

It was June now, a month after graduation and the date. The boys had been busy figuring out all the details of buying their apartment in Chicago, and making sure all their financial paperwork was in place at school. Kurt ended up committing to Loyola, and Blaine committed to Northwestern.

Everything was going well, but it had been stressful and was a lot, so they decided to take one day a week to just be lazy and spend time with eachother just relaxing. Sometimes they'd get coffee or order takeout, but it always included watching movies and cuddling together, and NOT talking about school or moving. They agreed it would be good for them to have a break once a week to just step back and clear their heads. They also just hit over one month together, and they couldn't be happier.

Blaine's mental health was getting better, but he still had rough days. Today was one of those days unfortunately. Although it was their day off, he was getting stuck in his head too much and Kurt could tell he was having a bad day.

They were laying on Kurt's bed watching Grey's Anatomy, Blaine's head on Kurt's chest while Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's hair. Blaine's hands had been shaky all day and he was on edge, but in the middle of their current episode, his hands started shaking more and Kurt could feel his heart rate speed up and his body tense up.

"Hey hey hey what's wrong? What are you thinking about?" Kurt asked sitting Blaine and himself up and cupping Blaine's face in his hand to force him to look at him. Blaine's eyes looked very far away, like he wasn't actually here, and he looked so small. Almost like he was a little kid. "I- I don't know how to explain it. Everything is just kind of getting to me today." He said. "What's everything? What's the first thing you think of or the biggest thing?" "Um... I guess just self consciousness/self doubt. I just feel like I'm nowhere near good enough for you. Mentally, emotionally, and specifically physically. And it's nothing you did to make me feel that way. It's just how it is. And I know today's our day off and we aren't supposed to think about school and moving, but that's also what's bothering me. I'm so scared. I'm scared we're going to get there and I'm not going to be prepared, and then classes will start and responsibilities will roll in and I'm not going to be able to keep up. I feel like I'm not ready and I'm going to mess things up." He finished wiping a couple tears from his eyes a few times as he spoke.

Kurt just sat there the whole time and listened patiently, taking it all in and occasionally nodding or smiling sympathetically to let him know he understood. "Do you want to live with me?" Kurt asked. "Of course I do! More than anything." Blaine said immediately. "Do you want to get a higher education?" "Yes. I enjoy learning honestly and I want to become a journalist one day." "Ok then. Everything is going to be alright. I'm going to be with you the whole time. I won't abandon you. I won't just leave you to figure it out if you're struggling. I'm scared too. Terrified actually. But we're both smart and talented. YOU are smart and talented. You're going to be absolutely phenomenal in college, and I'm going to get to say 'That's MY extraordinary boyfriend.' Also, I don't ever want you to feel like you're not good enough for me. You are so beautiful Blaine. And I know that's hard for you to believe, but that's ok because I'll do it enough for the both of us. B, trust me when I say you are Brilliant, Bound for success, and Breathtaking." Kurt finished, making sure to annunciate the B of each word clearly, to make a surely cheesy, but very important point.

Blaine still had tears in his eyes, but he was smiling softly now. "Thank you Kurt. I love you so much." He said. "I love you most" Kurt said without hesitation. "Now come here love." He said pulling Blaine back to his chest and comforting him while he finished crying. The episode ended with Blaine asleep in Kurt's arms, and Kurt deep in thought.

All he wanted was for Blaine to see himself the way Kurt sees him. Blaine only ever deserves happiness. He deserves the world, and everything that's good and amazing. Kurt knew then that he would gladly spend the rest of his life devoted to showing Blaine that and loving him with his whole heart.

Some may say that it's too early to be saying stuff like that when they've only been dating for over a month. But they've been best friends for nearly three years, and Kurt has thought this way since the day they became close. So honestly, even if it's "too early," it was inevitable, so might as well come to terms with it now.