Becoming Somebody

Chapter 30 - Somebody

After about one month into Cassius' trip, the letters stopped coming. Charlie skipped out to the mailbox that day, but the second she realized there was no letter, her heart sank. There could have been some issues with the post office, she realized. Maybe the letter was just stuck somewhere and would arrive the next day.

The next day came, and still no letter. She met the postman outside when he dropped off the mail, sorted through it, and ran after him when she realized it wasn't there.

"Are you sure there's nothing else? Nothing for Charlie Jackson?" she asked anxiously.

"No ma'am, sorry, that's all I have for you today," he replied apologetically.

She ran inside. She pulled open her laptop and started to google things like "Art Institute Bridgeport student trip accident" and "American students abroad accident" to see if something horrible had happened. Surely if it had, it would be in the news. She found nothing though.

That evening she went out to dinner with Taylor, Alex, Rachel, and Jessica to try and get her mind off things. When she got home that night, she saw the light in Courtney's bedroom was on. She must have just gotten back home from treatment. Charlie opened her bedroom door and found her sitting at her desk. She turned around and saw Charlie, and ran over to give her a big hug.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," Courtney said into her hair, holding her tightly.

"I know," Charlie said, hugging her back just as hard. She had forgiven Courtney for what happened. Charlie knew that addiction wasn't a choice, it was a disease. And she had missed Courtney a lot, but she knew going back to rehab was the best thing for her.

They sat down on Courtney's bed to catch up. Charlie had so much to tell her about Cassius. Courtney was so happy for her, but her face fell when Charlie told her what was happening with the letters.

"So you haven't gotten any for two days?" Courtney asked.

"Yeah, nothing," Charlie said. "He hasn't called either, but we haven't been able to talk much on the phone anyway because he doesn't have unlimited data in foreign countries."

"Hmm," Courtney contemplated.

Charlie was hoping she would have some good advice or perspective on what was going on. Her sister always had this way of looking at situations that Charlie didn't.

"Do you want to know what I think Char?" Courtney finally asked.

"Yes, of course, always," Charlie said.

"I think that either way, whether or not the letters are lost, or he stopped sending them, you're too wrapped up in what Cassius does, says, and thinks. Your self-esteem is entirely tied up in whether he tells you he loves you today, or not," Courtney said carefully.

"But," Charlie started, then stopped. She was completely taken off guard by Courtney's response.

Courtney sighed. "I'm not saying this to be mean. One of the things I learned in the program that I go to is you can't rely on outside things to fix your insides. Your happiness, or your worth, can't depend on whether or not your boyfriend is giving you validation. It's the same thing with your friends, and your whole thing about popularity. You have to love yourself and know your own worth, no matter what people say or do, Char."

Charlie looked down at the blanket on Courtney's bed. She was right. Charlie hated it, but she was right. Her whole goal this year had been to be popular. And when she achieved it, it wasn't like everything in her life suddenly became flawless. Her family still had problems. She still faced mean girls, and guys. Her boyfriend wasn't always perfect. Pretty close, but not perfect.

A tear slipped down her cheek. She looked up at Courtney. "You're right. But I still really miss Cash, and I'm going to be so heartbroken if he doesn't want me anymore."

Courtney wiped the tear away. "That's normal. Heartbreak happens to everyone. Just don't let anyone else define you, and you'll always be ok eventually."

Charlie nodded. She went back to her room and thought back on the past year. She had such a great year, even if it was a rollercoaster at times. She had made three new friends, Alex, Rachel and Jessica, and she still had her ride or die best friend Taylor. She had dated and kissed several guys, and she hadn't settled for the ones who didn't treat her well. She went from being a total nobody, to somebody everyone knew. But the more she thought about it, nobody wasn't a good way to describe old Charlie. She had always been somebody.

The next day when the mailman came, Charlie couldn't help it. She ran outside to greet him, hoping that the letters would be in the bundle. As he walked off, she sorted through the stack right in the driveway, and yet again, no letter from Cassius. She sighed in disappointment, and looked up at the sky.

"Why are you doing this to me?!" she yelled.

After she was done yelling at god, or whoever was up there, she looked across the street. Some cars were passing by, but there was someone parked on the other side of the street. It was a black car.

When the cars cleared, Charlie nearly cried. Cassius was standing there, leaning against his car, smiling at her.

She ran across the street and jumped into his arms. He laughed at her reaction and caught her effortlessly. He spun her around before putting her down. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck, and his arms around her waist.

"What happened!" she asked breathlessly. "I thought you were going to be gone for another month!"

"Yeah, well," Cassius shrugged. "You see a few museums, you've seen them all."

"But your parents paid for that trip!" she said.

"I know, they didn't mind that I wanted to come home," he explained. "Two months is a long time to be away from home, especially when you're homesick. The Art Institute is still going to give me partial credit for the summer session."

"Ahh!" Charlie squealed, happy things weren't totally ruined for him at school. "I'm so happy you're back. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," he said, leaning down to kiss her.

"I love you Cassius Green," she said after they pulled away.

"And I love you, Charlie Jackson."