No one ever thinks about how they're going to die someday.
It's one of those things you'd much rather not think about. Though I found myself thinking a lot about my end within these last 6 hours.
"You're not going to die Avalon. " Rysand said again in a monotone while he continued reading the paper.
"Oh yeah ? Well why don't you come and take over and we'll see how long you last !" I seethed through the pain as I fell back unto the bed.
These last couple of hours has been nothing like they made it out to seem in books and movies . This was pure torture and no amount of money would ever make me consider doing this again.
"Please do something," I cried curling up into a little ball "just a little pain meds?" I pleaded as I watched him peak from behind the paper , just enough for me to see his rised brow. "Why ?" I cried out as I shifted my gaze to the clock on the wall .
"We've been over this before Avalon . It's been proven that medication during labour could potentially be harmful to the child." He explained again as I gave him a dull look making him take a breath. "It was in the contract. " he added in blandly before picking up his paper once again.
I cried for what felt like days on end , gripped the side of the bed until my knuckles turned white. I even sent a blow to poor Darla's head who was only trying to help. After 15 hours of suffering it was official; I could not handle pain as well as I thought I could.
I've never wanted to turn back time more than I wanted to right now. Though through all of the pain it made me realize something... it made me realize why Rysand was so adamant on making my time there such a memorable and comfortable one; because unlike myself , he knew what was coming.
"Just one more Avalon and you're free." Rysand tried to encourage while I took a deep breath before literally giving it my all. I never thought I would be so happy to hear a baby's cry than I was right now.
Though my joy was soon replaced with sadness and a feeling of... being unwanted again. I've never seen Rysand jump up that quick before. He dropped my hand like I had the plague or something, not even sparing a glance back at me or asking if I was okay. I watched him hold his son with a proud look as he took him out of the room. I mean , it wasn't like I was expecting to see the baby I just thought... maybe he still cared about me... but who I was kidding ? I was just a means to an end.
"Nothing strenuous for the next 6 weeks , here's your check. You're free to go now." Someone high up in Rysand's hierarchy repeated as I took the check staring blankly out of the window , as I watched Rysand get into the car with his... heir.
"Did you hear what I said ?" He repeated as I turned my gaze back to him.
"Yes , of course. Thank you for the opportunity. I... best be on my way then." I said with no emotion as I grabbed the duffle bag - that I got for Christmas - filled with all of my new possessions and walked out of the door.
The whole way back to my house I couldn't help but think about the last 20 hours. He didn't even look at me... not a good bye ? Not a thank you ? How could I have ever thought he could actually care about me ? I was foolish. Blinded by all of the acts of kindness and the beautiful words that dripped from his lips like honey. I was never really important to him. And now... I might've just lost my only chance at happiness...
****
The smell of plaster and the fresh bucket of water - from the leak in my roof - made me feel less at home than I thought it would. I never felt like I had less than what I needed until I had an abundant amount than what was necessary.Throwing the rain water out and grabbing the broom , I cleaned until my tears were the thing that filled that very bucket next. I cried about Rysand , I cried about the fact that I felt used . I even cried about being back to where I started having nothing and no one. Who would've thought 9 months could mess with your head this much ?
Shifting my gaze to the pile of things Rysand has gifted me , I couldn't help but have this empty feeling in my chest. Not because I had just given up a child I grew very fond of , but... because without any of this... I was just another orphan girl with a sad story to tell.
I didn't feel up to doing much after that day... I mostly curled up to the dying embers of the fire as I cried myself to sleep. It... was a particularly difficult pill to swallow. Having known what I know , and going through what I did. It wasn't as much of an emotional bond to the child that sent my head into a daze but, the fact that I've grown to like Rysand very much during my time there... I know it's silly and I know I should've known better but , at some point I guess I was just fooling myself with wishful thinking and that was the part that hurt the most.
That's it all of my lovely readers! Any thought on how things turned out !? Theories for what's to come ? Leave them in the comment section below. Until next time keep howling my wolves ❤🐺
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Royally Interested
RomantizmAvalon Lincoln was hitting the hardest patch of her life. Nothing seemed to be going her way. She was working two jobs JUST to cover her rent and LIVED on leftovers . So what will happen when she get's fired from the very job that keeps a roof abov...