Why?

Chapter 17 - "When did I get so difficult to talk to?"

    So I drove home and parked the car. I got inside and both abuela and mama were surprised to see me there.

"Camila? Weren't you suppose to be in school?" My mom asked.

"Yes mami, I was but the thing is I saw someone I did not want to see and it seemed like you two knew he was coming back to town. So now we have to talk about why neither of you told me that Shawn Mendes was back in town and attending the same school as me." I glared at both of them. My grandma gulped audibly and my mom sighed and looked out the backdoor.

"Tell her Sinu." My grandma said before giving me a kiss on the forehead and then heading up to assuming her room.

"You got something to tell me mom?" I asked, eyeing my mom as she sat down and sighed.

"Karen and Manny had been talking for a long time now and she told me that they were moving back here. She asked me how you would take it and she also asked why you guys don't talk and what happened between you guys. I told her I didn't know and you would have to deal with it." My mom finished.

"Deal with it?! Mom I was depressed for months and when the very person that made me feel that way comes back you say I have to deal with it?!" I ask in disbelief. Her face tightened and I knew I should've kept my mouth shut.

"What am I supposed to do? You don't tell me anything. You never told me why he left, why you didn't talk to him or in fact why you and Jake broke up. When did I become so difficult to talk to? You know I love your grandma but I swore to never raise you guys like she did me and promised to you that I would always be there if you needed and would always listen and not judge you. But you don't say anything for god's sake. Camila you completely shut me out and didn't talk to me for weeks and I understand you were hurt but here you are still, not talking! I have no idea what is going on with you and I had to find out that you and Jake broke up through your grandma and sister. Shawn is back and even though it's tough. Deal with it." With that my mom stormed out and left me there wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair.

"You know she is right." I heard my grandma say from behind me. "I am sorry I didn't tell you but it wasn't my secret to tell."

"I know abuela. I know."

"You know... I did raise her wrong. I never talked about sex and forbid it until she was married and then she married the first boy she dated. He ended up being an asshole who abused you two physically and mentally. I never talked to her about mental health or something like that. I was happy she was going to raise you differently because after many talks and therapy I learned that I was wrong. Do you know the most difficult thing about it all?" She asked as she sat in the stool in front of me.

"What?" I asked.

"It wasn't admitting I was wrong and being sorry but changing. I changed I thought outside of the box and learned that the church had implanted irrational thoughts in my head and how everything wasn't so black and white mija. Apologize and talk to her. She needs it and I think you need it to." She kissed my cheek and went outside to water her plants. She was right.

I made my way upstairs and knocked on my mom's door. I heard a muffled 'come in' so I opened the door and my mom was sitting in her bed. Her eyes swollen from crying was my guess and tissues around her. I felt even more like an asshole.

"I need to talk to you mama." I said quietly. She opened her arms just like she did when I was little and scared. I crawled into her arms and told her everything and just as I expected she listened and did not judge me. She was a little surprised by Shawn kissing me but still she listened and held me as I cried into her warm and little arms but still seemed to have a death grip on me. I fell asleep in her arms from so much crying and when I woke up she was still there. Her arms wrapped around me as she slept. I smiled and whispered an 'I love you.' Before going back to sleep still feeling exhausted from all the crying and events of today.

Author's note

Short and sweet. Call it what you want, but I still sleep with my mom when I am scared or just had a tough day. My mom is like Sinu but she wasn't always so sometimes I stop and think about the completely different person my mom was back then and right now. And so in honor of my mom I wanted to portrait Sinu just like that.

Don't forget to... ya'll know what to do.

xoxo Love Ana xoxo