Why?

Chapter 6 - What happened to us?

Camila's POV   

    To say I was confused was an understatement. What the fuck had just happened?! I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail.

    I started to overthink what this meant. My mind was going at 200 mph. Deciding I needed a break I got in my car and drove to the only place that gave me a sense of peace. Which weirdly enough was my grandfather's grave.

    I sat there and asked why. Why did he do it? Why now? Why not before? What was going on?! The one place that once gave me peace wasn't working so I got in my car and drove to his house.

    Arriving I saw Karen on the front porch with tears in her eyes.

    "Where is he?" I frantically asked.

    "He's not here hun. He won't be for a long time." Karen hugged me. I started to feel the tears well up in my eyes.

    Pulling away she said. "He left you something in his room." I nodded, opening the door I made my way upstairs and entered his room.

    I hadn't been in his room for some time now but what I saw broke my heart. His closet was empty, every picture frame that didn't include me were still hung on the walls. His desk was clean except for one paper.

    I walked over to the desk and picked up the paper that read.

Dear Camila

    I'm sorry for doing this through a letter but I saw no other way to do this, so here you.

    I have loved you for as I can remember. I never told you anything because I didn't want to risk what we had. But as time went by and we grew up the feelings started to grow more and more. And seeing you with Jake made me realize that I love you with all my heart.

    But I'm not the right person for you. I am not good enough for you. But Jake is, he's a good guy and I can see you guys love each other. I don't say this out of spite but you two deserve each other very much.
I have gone back to Toronto to live with my dad to give you space and give me a chance to get my shit together.

    I can't have you but I can still protect you. Don't try in contacting me not because I hate you or don't like you but because I don't think I can hear from you and be selfless again. I can't hear from you and not show you how much I love you.

    Just know one thing. None of this is your fault, if anything you saved me with that gorgeous smile of yours and that laughter that made me laugh and turned chicken pox funny. You pushed me to have good grades and I promise to keep that up. You pushed me to be a better person, a better brother, son and a thousand other things that could never be written into paper because I think there isn't enough paper in the world.

    I love you. But I love you enough to let you go.

Yours truly
Shawn Peter Raul Mendes.
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I must have read it five times before the realization hit me full force. My knees gave out and I started to sob. I felt arms wrap around me holding me steady and trying to soothe me like he used to do. But it wasn't him. I let myself be held. I didn't know who was holding me but I didn't care. I let myself cry, sob and when I had no tears left to cry I looked up to see Karen with teary eyes and a sympathetic look.

We stayed like that until I got up without saying a word. I didn't feel like I could, I felt like my vocal chords deteriorated but she didn't say anything. She just gave me a final hug and a kiss on the forehead before I walked out of the house and into mine.

When I entered the house I was greeted by pity looks from my mom, Sofi and Abuela. But that's not what I needed. I made my way to my room and stared out the window. The window facing his window.

All the funny memories hit me like a train. All the times we tried to throw paper airplanes with the hope of at least one landing. All the times he forgot to close the blind so I would have a perfect view of him singing after the shower with only underwear on and a hairbrush on hand and the funniest part was he was always singing Taylor Swift on those embarrassing moments. The times where he would throw pens on my window so I could sneak out and meet him in his or my yard and we could look at the stars.

Weeks after he left I still felt broken. I wasn't talking to Jake and he wasn't trying to talk either. He respected my silent plea for space and time.

At home I wasn't eating and pretty much doing what I did when Abuelo died but this time Shawn wasn't here to pull me from the bottom of the ocean of my own tears that I had created. I was drowning, dying. My therapist started making house calls since I had no will to go anywhere besides school and even sometimes not even school.

    I look at our photographs and for the first time in weeks I speak.

    "What happened to us?" I whisper only to my self as I hug the frame trying to somehow feel his warmth through the frame.

Author's Note

This chapter was just to introduce the letter and Camila's depression.

Hope you liked it. Don't forget to vote, comment, and share.

xoxo Love Ana xoxo