Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 1

I woke up with an headache I knew all too well. It took me a while to get clear sight and to discover where the hell I was. But when I heard Jolene's snoring next to me, I remembered. It was Jolene's bachelorette party yesterday and because she only worked with men, she decided to celebrate it with me. And it got rough.

I pushed myself out of bed and put on my slippers. When I stood straight my head immediately felt like that heavy chess book Harry gave me for my twenty-first birthday. I pushed the pink curtains open and a flow of dusty daylight flooded in the room, waking up Jolene.

"What in the world are you doing? Close that stupid shit!" She groaned.

"You need to go to work." I said, while I tried to pull the blanket from her.

She groaned again. "Alright, alright, I'll get up...
In 5 minutes."

I wanted to go into a discussion but my head hurted too bad, so I just walked downstairs. When I walked past the front door, I almost tripped over the pile of letters on my doormat.

"God damnit." I whispered.

After I threw two eggs in a pan and opened myself a beer, I saw a glance of myself in the reflection of the oven. I stood still, inspecting the weird human being before me. She had smudged make-up underneath her eyes and her hair was mess. She looked like me, but I was too messed up to actually see me. I leaned forward and pushed my breast up. I knew it was stupid, but it made me feel a tiny bit better.

"Checking yourself out again?" Jolene's sarcastic voice sounded hard in my head. With a hint of embarrassment I quickly stood up straight and without responding grabbed the eggs out of the pan with a spoom. I put the plate with the eggs down and sat opposite of her.

When Jolene started to eat, I layed my head in my hands, staring blankly in front of me.

"You look like shit, girl. I mean, I feel like shit, but you absolutely look like shit." Jolene laughed unbelievably.

I ignored her and just kept staring.

"I know I haven't checked up with you in a while, but I thought Harry did."

"He did." I simply anwsered.

Beltik visited me a week ago. I had put on my happiest face and he helped me clean the house. I think I told him at least a hundred times that I was alright. I hid all my booze and cigarettes in a crate in the garden. I didnt think he bought it.

"Well, it doesn't look like he helped all that much." Jolene played with a piece of egg with her fork.

"I don't need help. For god sake." I rolled with my eyes.
"Owh darling, believe me, you do. Have you seen yourself?"

"I can't." Is what I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut.

Jolene scoffed, making me more annoyed than I already was on a daily basis. I loved this girl, she was like a sister to me, but after a year, her good advice became like the buzz of a mosquito. You just want to smack it so I would shut up. But I never did. Deep down I knew I wouldn't have survived the half of 1969 without her.

"But look at you, it's december and you're still living." That's what Harry said to me last week. Always trying to make me see the bright side. "It's more like starving." I anwsered. He left mad after that.

"Are you still on the Iridium?" Jolene voice was starting to get angry.

"Not in a while." I said bored.

"A while? What months, weeks, days?"

The correct answer would be 4 days, but I knew Jolene would have snapped if I said that. So I didn't say anything.

Suddenly Jolene got up walking away from the the table out of the livingroom.

"Where are you going? I yelled, while I got up as well and followed her through the hallway. I found her in the bathroom trying to open my cabinet.

She shoved the hanging cabinet open with full force, accidentally pushing one of the bottles with pills out of it. When it fell on the floor it made a hard, sharp noice, being followed with hundreds of little ticks of pills bouncing on the cold bathroom floor.
And after that there was a silence. When I looked over to Jolene, I thought she was going to be on the edge of an outbreak, but I was wrong. She had tears in her eyes.

"Fuck." She whispered. "You're even worse than I thought."

The whole cabinet was filled with green pills, empty cans and bottles of beer and at least 4 packs of cigarettes. Maybe it really was worse than she thought.

I quickly fell on my knees and started to pick up the pills one by one. I might have been the world champion in chess, but I've had been inactive for a while and my money was running low. Iridium and booze is more expensive than you'll think.

With one jerk she pulled me on my feet and pushed me out of the bathroom, still at a loss for work.

"Beth, you need to listen to me." She said as she pushed me on the couch. Next to me was a moist spot. 5 years ago I would probably been disgusted, but you get used to being disgusting yourself.

"I'm going to get married. I can't come running back to you every couple of weeksa anymore. You need to get sober again. Otherwise..."

"I don't need help." I said stubborn.

"Yes you do!" She yelled, holding my wrists tight. Trying to get some sense into me, but it wasn't working.

"Why dont you call Townes?"
"Out of town. And probably with Roger. And I'm sure he doesn't want to see me."
"Harry? Can't you guys arrange something? I know he will do anything to help you."
"I'm not so sure that's true, anymore." I said quietly. I  wanted her to stop yelling.

She sank down on the couch beside me. She stopped saying anything. I never had seen her so quiet. So I took the opportunity to grab my beer from the table and I sat back down. Jolene didn't react at all.

"You know you're going to get killed or booted of the chess federation if you don't change." She said eventually.
"I rather get killed." I responded taking a sip of my beer.
"I figured."

We sat there in silent for almost then minutes. I knew she only wanted for me to be happy. But I knew it was too late for that. After Russia, after I became the world-champion, I had to do so much all of the sudden. Visiting the white house, hundreds of interviews, diner with this important person, a game of chess with that particular duke. I resisted at first, but they told me I reached the top now and I was going to be stuck there till somebody better would beat me and then they'll get stuck. It's a goddamn stupid circle. I remembered being so happy, so sober, those few weeks after Borgov. But I quickly fell, taking everyone who was close down with me. And I never forgave me for that, so I thought it was best to push everybody away.

"I stayed." Jolene started, almost reading my mind. "I tried to help you Cracker, I really did." She sighed.
"I know, Delia, I know."

"How long has it been since you called him?"

Suddenly my heart skipped a beat. I didn't expect this conversation to go this way.

"I can't." I said quickly.

"I think you have too. Townes tried to make you happy for a long time, but after a while you just didn't let him anymore. Harry was so patient with you and now you're telling me you screwed that up too? And  don't even get me started on Matt and Mike."

I felt tears building up, it hurted to lose my friends, but I knew it was for the better. I can't help them if i can't fix myself first. And I gave up on me, so how would there be hope for them?

"I think he's the last and only chance you've got." Jolene continued.

I slightly nodded no. I couldn't ask him. I couldnt do that to him. Not again.

"Beth, you need to call Benny Watts."