Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 10

After the second match of the day, I walked to the dorms alone. The match was easy and almost nothing compared to Borgov. I won in 24 moves. The old man had refused to shake my hand and had walked of angrily. Even though I didnt mind his reaction that much, it way nicer to have an peaceful end.

I dropped my purse on the floor and fell on the bed. It squeaked underneath me. I was glad this morning that it hadn't broken down.

Just as I closed my eyes, the phone in the corner of the room rang. I groaned, and tiredly rolled of the bed.

"With Beth Harmon?"

"You motherfucker." I heared Jolene laugh on the other side of the line. "Did Beltik just really call to tell me you've been sober for over two weeks and playing chess again. What did he do? Cry in front of you?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Jolene had such a weak expression of Harry, but maybe she was right.

"Your laugh sounds good cracker. I missed it."

"Yeah, me too." I said while running the back of my head.

"But for real, girl. What made you call the federation?  Cause I thought you hated these guys to the bone."

"I still do." I grinned. "But I think it came through your wise words." I wished to myself that she was the reason or that Harry was the reason or that I suddenly got the urge to play again.

"Wise words?" She laughed. "I might be a radical, but I ain't wise. You think I don't see it?"

But Jolene and I both knew that wasn't the reason I was really here.

"You know they posted the participating chess players in the times, right? I know Watts is there and you had to know it too."

"I guessed." I lied. Well, I was 95% sure that he was going to be here.

"Of course you did." She said sarcastically. "So have you seen him yet?"

"A couple of times."

"Owh, that must have been exciting."

"Well, it got a little rough the first time we saw each other. We kinda argued in a full cafeteria."

"Why doesn't that suprise me one bit? Did he point his knife at you, like you expected?"

I smiled. "No he didn't, now you mention it, I actually haven't seen it yet."

"Well, maybe he learned karate, you never know."

The thought of Benny kicking in the air made us both laugh. A wave of quilt suddenly came over me. I realised how many good times I wasted with Jolene. I was either drunk or stoned or both. She once told me that she felt that the only way to communicate with me was to get drunk or stoned as well. I didn't drink that night after.

"But you said he only blew up the first time you saw each other?"

"Yeah, this morning he was calm and kind of nice. Making jokes and stuff. It felt good, but I didn't really trust it."

"Weird." She replied. "Maybe he's trying to forgive you?."

"I don't want to get my hopes up, Jolene." I waited a few seconds before I continued. "He mentioned the thing with ... you know."

"Townes?"

My stomache turned by only hearing his name.

"Yes." I said quietly.

"Honestly girl, he's probably never going to forget that night."

"Me neither." I mumbled.

"Yeah, but you weren't really the victim."

"I know." I said. Jolene had a way of making me feel guilty.

"Sleeping with guy when you're dating someone else is a big deal." She continued.

"You know that wasn't my intention." I said louder.

"Yeah, I know, but does he?" Jolene said louder too.

I kept quiet. Benny and I never talked about that night. We only screamed and nothing sensible came out of it. He probably thought that I was with Townes in secret. Or maybe he thought that I was screwing around with him without Townes knowing. We never talked, so he probably thought the worst. Tears started to prickle in my eyes. I would give up so much to redo that night. That one fucking night.

Jolene's sigh took me out of my haze.

"Look, I know you're sorry for everything that happened. But you did some things that hurted people more than you could imagine. Or maybe you do know how some people feel. Maybe you even knew all this time, but you got so scared of the consequences that you shut yourself out of the world."

I knew all this time. I knew with every second, with every thing I said that hurted someone, what I was doing, but why I did it? Who the hell knows.

"I-I don't know, Jolene."

"Than you might have to think about it."

I nodded to myself. I leaned with my back against the wall, slowly slipping down. I blinked a few times to hold back the tears.

"But don't go back to the dark side, Beth. You should think, but do it carefully girl."

"I will. Thanks." I was stretching my arm to hang up the phone, but before I could Jolene said something again.

"Also, now I know for sure that you're sober. I want to invite you to the wedding."

I jumped up, holding the phone tightly to my ear.

"Your wedding? When? I thought it wasn't till February?"

"Yeah, I told that, because I knew what happened to Matty and Mikey. I'm sorry, i didn't want that to happen to me."

It hurted, that she didn't want to invite me first, but i understood her. I wouldn't want me on my wedding either. I was glad she was honest.

"I understand. But when is it?"

"It's in two weeks. You can bring two people with you if you like, but please if you're going to bring Beltik, please make him promise he won't talk about his study all day. He talks way too much about that shit."

I smiled, I couldn't believe it. My favorite radical was getting married in two weeks. I knew she was going to, but it felt more real now I was sober.

"I'll tape his mouth if I bring him don't worry."

She laughed shortly, but got serious after. "Don't let me down, Beth."

"I won't." I sighed.

"Better you won't. Good luck, Cracker."

She hung up. My body was shaking, with happiness, quilt and questions. I sat down on the bed. Only in a few weeks, I suddenly had a couple of people counting on me. People who trusted me again. But deep down I really wanted the trust or faith, even if it was only a little bit, back from one certain person.  And I was quite sure, where I could find this person on a night like this.

I brushed my hair and put on a new blue dress. I glanced at the phone and smiled.

"Thanks Jolene." I thought, as I walked out of the door.