Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 7

My neck hair stood up straight. when I turned my head around I saw his dark brown eyes. Benny didn't have his cowboy hat on, but he looked the same as ever. His black blouse was unbottened for almost half of it. He wasn't looking at me, but at the lady behind the counter. Did I just imagine that he said that, or was it real?

The woman behind the counter brought us a coffee with cream and sugar and Benny an apple juice in a milk glass.

I immediately felt scared and safe at the same time, not knowing how to act or what to say.
He pushed the coffee in my way and payed for the both of us without even looking at me.

I was wondering what he was thinking. He felt so normal, he felt like a stranger. At least he wasn't wasted. Maybe that was an advantage.

He drank half of his apple juice before he quickly glanced in my way.

"Beth." He said with a tone I couldn't quite explain.

"Benny." I replied.

"You look sober." Now I heard the annoyance in his voice.

"You sound so suprised." I said sarcastic.

"I am."

Both our eyes were fixated on the wall in front of us, even though I really wanted to look at him. And for him to look at me.

"Didn't expect that you would make it. Who helped you? Jolene?"

The disgust in his voice only grew, as if just by seeing me he got more and more angrier. And to be honest, I couldn't really blame him.

"No, Harry helped me."

He let out a short chuckle. "Of course, forgot Beltik acts like a puppy around you."

I scoffed. "I thought you guys stayed friends."

"It's hard to stay friends when someone never agrees with you." He took another sip from his apple juice.

I wondered if he was talking about Harry's behavior before Benny and me or after. Harry and Benny discussed a lot on several topics, mostly gambling. Harry got extremely on Benny nerves in those moments. But would Benny break of a friendship because of that?

Nobody said something in a while. I listened to the noice around us. The talking and laughing of the people, the sound of the cups and the dull noise everytime somebody put down a chess piece on their board.

The girl who brought us our drinks was talking to a guy, who apparently also worked here. They were whispering and pointing to Benny and me. I didn't even have to guess twice about what they were talking.

"They're talking about us." I said as I looked down at my cup of coffee.

"I'm only standing next to you and you're already poisoning my name again."

That one hurted. I never told him that I didn't mean to hurt him and that I was so sorry. My pride had always been too big for that and now I was paying the price.

"I never meant to hurt your name." I said softly, immediately regretting my words.

Het turned towards me. He had such an furious look in his eyes.

"You never meant to hurt my name? What did you meant to hurt than? Me, maybe?" His voice started to get louder.

"Benny..." I said, trying to calm him down.

He interrupted me with a laugh. It was so cold, heartless. It scared me.

"Because if that was your idea from the beginning, why did you came to me after Russia, huh?"

People around us started to look our way and they became more and more quiet.

"I wanted..."

"Wanted me to feel dumb, for puting al my faith in you. For making fucking start to dri..."

Suddenly he got quiet and turned back towards the counter. Nobody in the whole room dared to make a sound.

He had started to drink again? I knew he was drunk when called me, but I thought it probably was a one time thing. The guilt inside me only grew stronger.

"Benny, I didn't mean to anger you like this."

I couldn't get myself so far to tell him I was sorry. Not here, not how he was feeling, because he probably wouldn't even hear it.

He chugged the last of his apple juice and slammed his glass on the counter. He turned to me.

"Greet Townes for me, won't ya?"

He walked away, leaving me empty in the quiet cafeteria. I didn't dare to move for 3 minutes. I started to walk back to my dorm, when everybody in the room moved on.

When I walked into my room, I immediately collapsed in my bed, wrapping the blankets around me.

He was still hurt. What did I expect, of course he was. But hearing Townes name out of his mouth only made it more real. I saw his face again. Confused, broken and dissapointed. Tears welled up in my eyes.

Townes and I only saw each other once after that night. I knew he hated me and didn't want to see me. Well he could get in line.

I turned around, trying to fall asleep. But images of that night came flashing by. The pills, the booze, the yelling, the hotel room and of course the tears.

After trying to blink and think the bad memories away, I sat up straight with sweat on my back.

I needed a drink now. I would break otherwise and I couldn't. I had to play chess tomorrow.

I put Alma's old flower robe around me and walked to my suitcase. "Fucking stupid." I whispered, when I realised I didn't bring pills around Harry's back. I didn't even had alcohol with me. I threw the whole back upside down. All my clothes and luggage fell on the ground. I threw all the things over my shoulder looking for anything that would stop this pain.

I stopped when I threw Benny's book and a small piece of paper fell out of it. I curiously picked it up in a rush.

The note said:

Dear Beth,

I'm sorry I interrupted your important study today! I was just so excited to see you. I just wanted to wish you luck in the tournament. Me and George believe in and sure you'll win!!!!

Hugs and kisses

Grace Wilson <3

I read the note again. It calmed me down for some fucked up reason. I didn't know this woman at all and she didn't know me. I couldn't even tell her that one of her old friends died. But she believed in me. She thought I could win and she was probably the only one in this whole world right now.

I sighed. I stuffed everything back in my suitcase and walked to my bed. I put the note down on the beside table and stared at it.

She believed in me. And I wasn't going to let her down.

With all the strength I had in my body, I pushed the bad thoughts about Benny and Townes away and fell in a troubled sleep.