Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 2

I watched Jolene drive away in her new car, it was even fancier than her last one. It was her wedding gift after all. When she was out of sight, I walked back to the couch and let myself fall on it, avoiding the beer spot. Jolene's word kept repeating themselves in my head. In 12 days it was exactly going to be a year from the tournament in Moscow. The last time, I did something to make Benny proud.

Benny Watts. The pirate, with his black cloak, his unbuttoned blouse and his stupid cowboy head. I would've lied if I said that I didn't think about him almost everyday. I hated myself for it.

I remembered that feeling of relief when I picked up the phone is Moscow and heard Benny's voice. He helped me win. If Townes wasn't standing in that room next to me, I would've probably cried. But that was all over now. He hated me and I accepted that.

I got up and wanted to open up another beer, but decided to go for a bottle of wine instead. I sat back down on the couch, opening the bottle and putting the open to my mouth. I drank half of it.

I scoffed. Jolene thought Watts was the last chance I got to become happy again. He'd probably killed me if I appeared at his apartment in New York. He once told me why he had a knife, now I knew what he'd probably kill me with.

I started to get a bit more blurry.

I had two choices, I either start to compete again or I call Benny. It was a tough choice, because I desperately wanting to do one of them but ken I shouldn't, and I really didn't want to do the other one, but I knew I should.

I went with the choice I didn't want to at all, so I picked up the chess magazine from the floor and started to read it. There was a tournament in the same place I became the US champion, in exactly two weeks.

Because I didn't compete in the US championship this year, Benny won. I wasn't even sure if even if I would have gone, I would have beaten him. Probably not.

I wrote the date on a piece of cardboard from a pizza box and threw it on the table. The bottle was empty now. The world started to twirl again, like it always did. Small children like to go in a carousel, I like to get drunk. I tried to walk to the phone, and after a few missteps is succeeded. I dialed the number on the cardboard piece.

"Chess federation America, how can I help you?"
"I wanna play chess again." I mumbled to the phone.
"I'm sorry, who is this?" I recognized the voice of the woman, I spoke to her often when I was arranging my trip to Paris.
"Harmon.... Beth Harmon."
"Miss Harmon? You want to play again." It annoyed me that she sounded so surprised.
"Yes, that's what I said."
"Where do you want to play, miss?"
"Ohio, two weeks."
"Are you sure, miss? You have been absent for quite a long time." I really wanted to throw the phone on the floor, but I saw Jolene mad face in my mind and decided that she was going to beat my ass, if I didn't do this.

"I am sure of it."
"Alright, I'll write you down."
I leaned against the wall with my head trying to keep my eyes open.
"Could you, could you arrange the hotel for me too?" I asked.
"Euhm... I'm sure we can handle that."
"Thanks."
"You want the room next to your friend Benny Watts?"
I thought I was going to choke by only hearing his name this loud. I was being compared to his friend.
"S-sure, w-why not-t?" I stuttered.
I hung up the phone and only seconds later I blacked out in the hallway.

I woke up with an intense headache and pain in my back. I didn't dare to move, I just wanted to lie there on the floor, feel the pain. It was the only thing I felt in a while. I felt restful for a sweet moment, before Jolene's words, Harry's mad face and Benny's yelling started to make somersaults in my head. I cried. I hadn't cried since Borgov beated me in Paris.

"I need to do better." I said. It was only a whisper, so quiet that someone who would have stood in front of me would have had a hard time understanding it.
"I need to do better." I said louder now.
"I need to..." I sobbed. "Do better."

I got up, holding my head with one hand, while I tried to stay balanced with my other hand. Tears ran down my face and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I walked to the bathroom and stepped in a cold shower with my clothes on. I sat there for almost twenty minutes, thinking. I really wanted to stop thinking for the last few months, but I needed to restart my brain. I needed to do better.

Six hours later, I sat down on the couch, avoiding the beer spot that wasn't even there anymore. I looked around, and the room didn't smell like booze or smoke. I didn't smell like booze. If Harry or Jolene would walk in right now, they would think I'd be alright.

I emptied all the bottles of wine in the sink. I didn't want to do it at first, because I thought it was a waste of money, but i was in luck and the smell of the wine made me nauseous, so I did it anyway. I put the cans of beer done on the street. I saw a homeless man taking it with a broad smile. He was missing some teeth. At least I made someone happy that day.

I knew there were things left to do. And I tried for almost an hour to get up and do it. My steps were really heavy as I walked to the bathroom. The cabinet was still open. The green pills looked so harmless in the dim light.
I slowly tightened my fingers around one of the many little bottles and picked it up. I held it above the toilet for a good 5 minutes, before I was able to let go. The pills made a soft splashing noice as they landed in the water.

It took me an full hour to flush them all, but I did it. Exhausted, I sat back on the couch, immediately falling asleep. A couple of hours later the ringing of the phone woke me up. I cursed. Who the hell was calling me at 2:30 AM? I walked over to the phone and picked up.

" With Beth." I said, trying to surpress a yawn.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" A mad voice said. I recognized it immediately.

"Benny?"