Haircut (Beth Harmon X Benny Watts)

Chapter 43

I didn't understand how it all happened so fast.

One moment I was sitting on the ground crying, watching that stupid necklace on the ground, that I wished would dissapear. And the next moment I was standing outside a pharmacy with a tiny plastic bottle in my hand.

I was still surprised I made it here. Not only because of the sobbing and tears I couldn't walk straight, but also because I somewhere expected Matt, Mike or Collin to find me. But maybe they weren't even looking. Or maybe they were looking for Benny instead.

I hoped they would kick some sense into him, because there clearly wasn't a brain behind his stupid blond hair.

I clenched my fingers around the bottle. His face, his eyes, his hair, his words, they flew through my head. And it hurted as hell. I wanted to knock him out, just so I could stop the painful thoughts. 

But I knew I wasn't able to. Physically and mentally.

So here I was, standing on the streets in Las Vegas. Tears were silently falling down, as I looked at the small container.

The green pills shined in the wintersun, that had almost dissapeared behind the horizon.

This was his fault. I needed the sickness, the headaches, the guilt, the anger, the tears to go away. I needed everything to go away.

I let out one loud sob, that I promised would be the last one, as I opened the bottle. I picked one pill out of it, and held it tight between my index finger and middle finger.

With all the bad thoughts becoming to much, I forcefully shoved the pill down my throat. The feeling of it going down, made me feel relieved instantly.

I took a few steps down the road and took another one, loosening my shoulders.

Every 20 feet I took a new one. I held them a few seconds between my fingers, pushing away the fear and then swallowing it.

It was going steady untill I was standing in front of a bookstore. A pile of books with his face on it were staring at me with his stupid arrogant smile.
I downed a hand full of pills and slowly walked back

I was walking through a park when they started to work. In only a few seconds my whole body relaxed. Even my mind stopped hurting. Everything was blurry, flying around me. It was amazing.

I had missed them so much. My little green friends. Because in the end, when even the person that I loved and trusted the most told me to kill myself, the pills were there for me. To take away the pain and to say it's going to be okay.

The branches without leaves spinned around me, as I tried to sit down on one of the benches. I was smiling at them like an idiot.

But when a memory of Benny interrupted my eased mind, I immediately grabbed the bottle again. I had a couple pills in my hand ready but I stopped myself.

I didn't want to die on the streets.

After a minute of hesitating, I put them back in the bottle and started to walk to the hotel. It amazed me that I was able to find it on my own.

When I walked through the door of the hotel, I saw Matt and Mike. Or Mike and Matt. They were heavily discussing something with the receptionist.

I knew I couldn't let them see me they would take away the good feeling. So I ran as hard as I could towards the stairs. When I didn't hear them shout I knew the coast was clear.

I ran from hall to hall, past all the rooms.

"Shit." I whispered. I didn't remember what my room number was, so I just started to wander around through the halls. It felt like they were endless.

"Harmon?"

I turned around to see the man who dared to talk to me right now. But I already knew who it was.

"Townes." I said with a soft smile.

"Are you okay?" He said as he walked closer to me.

"Great." I shrugged.

His face didn't look that bad in this light or maybe it was my mind that made him seem less tired.

"And you?" I asked, leaning my hand against the wall. It looked like Townes was running circles around me. It was really funny then.

"Better when I see you smiling."

A weird smile snuck on his face. He looked at the pills in my hand and shook his head.

"What?" I asked him. "Of all people you shouldn't be the one to judge me."

He laughed. "I'm not judging you, I'm considering if asking if I can have some would be rude or not."

I shrugged. It would be fun to have someone messed up with me. Just like last time. But this time Benny already left me, so there wouldn't be any consequences this time.

The thought of Benny made my eyes watery. So before I threw the bottle to Townes I took another few pills myself.

Townes swallowed a handful. He slowly sat down against the wall and pulled me down as well.

"Tell me what happened." He said after a moment of silence.

"Benny told me I'm dead to him."

"That's not very nice."

"I know."

It was silent for another 20 minutes. We were just sitting there, letting the room spin around us. All our problems fading away. No benny, no chess, no friends. Just me and this other lost soul.

"You know you deserve better right?" Townes said distantly as he stood up, not letting go off the wall for support.

I tried to stand up as well, but my whole body felt weak.

"Maybe." I shrugged. "I didn't really had the energy in me to think about anything, let alone this deep question.

Before I could do anything, Townes wrapped his arms around me. Because I was so numb, I couldn't hug him back but he held me tight, so I didn't fall down.

I closed my eyes, trying to prevent the sudden tears in my eyes from falling down. But I couldn't stop them.

Maybe it was because of the pills, maybe it was because I knew I was making a mistake or maybe because Townes' arms were simply not Benny's.

When Townes noticed I was crying, he held me even tighter till the point it was hard to breath. But I couldn't move his arms even if I tried.

He slowly started to move his hands lower down my back. I looked up at him confused, but he kept going down.

Before I could protest or move him away, somebody yelled from across the hall. He sprinted towards us, his black coat and his blonde hair bouncing up and down.

Townes let me go and I took two steps backwards freeing myself from his weird looking face.

My knees felt even weaker than before and everything started to spin harder and harder. I could make out who was who, who touched me or if I even was being touched. Everything turned blurry, I saw red, blond, black and more red.

Everything was happening so fast.

One moment I was standing with Townes arms around me. And the next moment I was swept of the floor and carried away, as I stared at Townes' bloody and bruised face.

~A.N: Not me getting up an hour early so this chapter would be done three hours earlier than I usually post.