I Accidentally Cared[stopped]

Broken

-April-

"BREATHE LEO! BREATHE!!!"

"LEO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. LEO, my heart." Sighed

*wakes up*

It was only a dream... I'm so scared now, I can't do this anymore... I'm so scared of losing Leo and I cannot believe I told him to leave me. I don't know how I could live with my only happiness in life. Yeah, you heard me my only happiness. My mom is always drunk and hurt now while my dad is trying to calm her down and is with another woman behind my mothers back. Some times I wish I could hate someone but I guess that's impossible for me. And what hurts me more than hating someone is the fact that everyone always compliments me when I can't even take a single compliment... I guess I'm not that "p e r f e c t" as people say.

p e r f e c t... What is perfect anyways? What is the meaning of it? I KEEP HEARING p e r f e c t! BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I know it for sure doesn't explain who I AM.

-3:45-

*BUZZ*

I hear my phone buzzing but my eyelids are so heavy and I cannot open them... But it just keeps buzzing and buzzing and the next thing I see is LEO.

"hello?"

                   "April are you okay!?"

                                                                                   "Wait what? Why wouldn't I be okay?"

               "April are you sure you are okay?"

                                                 "Not really but yeah I guess I'm okay? But why?"

I was so confused. Why would he call me at this time and ask me if I am okay when I wasn't... And the fact that I wasn't okay because of everything that's happening is even more wierd.

"Baby, don't be sorry... I am."

                                          "For what Leo?"

                                                                      "For everything."

                                                                                                      "What's everything?"

                                                                                                                                                "For being who I turned into"

"who did you turn into Leo? I'm so confused, you didn't do anything wrong... If anyone should be sorry it should be me."

"April I have thoughts, I have terrible thoughts. Sometimes I feel like you're just going to leave me and you are in pain from everything i've done and how I constantly hurt you... AND I EVEN CALLED YOU STUPID YESTERDAY? WHAT WAS I THINKING? I actually hate myself so much. I've been always raised in places where people swear and I'm just so used to swearing and putting people down. When I first saw you I haven't even thought of anything, I didn't even think of you the way you thought of me what so ever. You liked me while I talked shit.

                                                                            "You talked shit..." sighs

                "You know what I don't even know what I'm talking about April. I'm not the guy for you. I don't deserve you."

I couldn't breathe I was shocked and I panicked.

"BUT ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH? LEO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL HURT OR FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE ME. I WAS SO SCARED AND COULDN'T FALL ASLEEP THINKING I'LL LOSE YOU!

"April, I don't want to hurt you anymore... While you've been getting more and more love and feelings towards me i've been losing them. I was never free I was always stuck in a hospital sad thinking about the future thinking about the most amazing future ever... And we never thought about talking about something happy once we always talked about your heart and depressing stuff and I couldn't take it anymore. I would help you by making you happy but in this relationship I was never happy. I really don't want my self to be sad for the rest of my life and I really do think that you will have an amazing future with another guy. And trust me you will survive this, this is just another stupid guy in your life. And your cancer. The doctors told me its possible to cure and I paid." He cried.

" LEO I LOVE YOU PLEASE STOP. THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING. LEO YOU ARE THE ONE AND ONLY, PLEASE. WHENEVER YOU CALLED ME ANYTHING I NEVER EVEN TOOK IT TO HEART I ALWAYS LET IT PASS THROUGH AND LET ALL THE GOOD THINGS AFFECT ME" I lied and cried.

"April I don't even know how this happened. I guess I just accidentally cared."

"Leo please tell me you are lying there is no way this could possibly be true!!! LEO PLEASE"

"April I just want you to be happy without me and just know that I will always care. I just want you to get over me so love won't be adding to your pain to create more pain because even if I am here you will have more pain because of your feelings. And I just care to much to love. And my heart is too dark to even store love. I just wish I could help the scars that are tattooed to it but look like they aren't there. I just want both of us to let go."

"That was touching Leo but please tell me you are joking." Cries

"Sorry April but you have to let me go. And I'll try to let you go. I'm sorry with the way this conversation started but have you ever thought that I would just hurt you in the end and wouldn't be able to repair what I did? I'm a thirsty and mean guy and I don't want to change or affect an amazing girl like you April."

"LEO WHY DO YOU DO THIS!"

"Sorry April, Good night."

"LEO!!!"

*Hangs up*

I FREAKING HATE MY LIFE AND I REALLY HOPE I DIE. THIS CANCER IS THE REASON I LOST EVERYTHING... Sigh... YEAH I EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS BY WRITING THEM TOO DEAL WITH IT... No one is even going to read this... I'm probably just going to end up throwing this out... I ACTUALLY HOPE MY STUPID ASS CANCER DIES. Pardon my languige but sometimes it just has to be done.

a.n

No, the book is not over there is way waaay more to the book and its just a type of moody book you know? Anyways hope everyone has a good day:)  I'll update in the next few days.