Sleepless nights spent with you (Hitoshi Shinsou X Reader)

Broken bones and a broken soul

You had no idea how long you were out. You spent a lot of time hearing snippets of conversations here and there. A lot of times you couldn't make out any words, it was all just noise, but you didn't feel scared. You actually didn't feel anything. You sort of felt floaty. The pain you had felt before you passed out had completely gone. Whether it was actually gone or whether you just couldn't feel it was unknown to you. You'd spent quite a while wondering whether you had actually died in that alleyway, but when you heard what you presumed to be doctors talking you quickly squashed that theory. For a long while more recently in your timeless void, you had been feeling restless. The only feeling you had felt the whole time was this new found urge to wake up. You wanted to know what was going on, what was happening. As much as you hated the idea, you also needed to know what state your legs were in. 

It took all the strength you could muster to peel your eyes open. The searing white lights of your hospital room caused you to wince as your once shielded pupils began to adjust to your surroundings. The first thing that registered in your mind was that your body ached like you'd been hit by a thousand cars. There were so many tubes and wires attached to you but you weren't even sure of where they all went or what they did. There was no chance of you sitting up without accidentally ripping one out. You let out a deep sigh that turned into a series of rough painful coughs. Your throat was so dry and sore but coughing caused your ribs to scream in protest. You felt as thought every part of you were broken. But you'd be damned if you were going to let that stop you. Sure, heroes got hurt, that was all part of the job, you were lucky. You'd only been injured, to what extent you weren't sure but you'd bounce back. You decided right there and then that you wouldn't let this stop you from being a hero. Your coughing must have alerted someone outside because no sooner had you regained your comfort were a doctor, a police officer and a nurse rushing into your room with both concerned and relieved looks on their faces. The nurse came over and very carefully helped you to sit up against the insanely tall stack of hospital pillows. You'd never understood why they put so many in but oh well, it was comfortable. "How are you legs feeling, Miss (L/N)?" You looked up to meet the doctor's soft gaze. He seemed nice, trustworthy. You could see, just from his body language and his face and soft words that he was probably a doctor that dealt with a lot of scared children, but you weren't a scared child, you were an aspiring hero. You didn't need to be treated delicately, as if you would break at any news they gave you. But you decided not to let that bother you,  he didn't have to tailor his means for you. You flashed him your politest smile but that was quickly washed away as, when you tried to speak, you were reminded of the dryness of your throat and began to cough again, much to the displeasure of your weary bones. The nurse, once again, had to help you to get a drink of water. Even though it was room temperature hospital water, it tasted as though it had been sent down by the gods. It instantly soothed the burning in your throat. You let out a breath after downing the entire glass and turned your attention back to the doctor. "In all honesty, Doctor, my entire body just aches. I don't think I'd be able to give you a limb by limb diagnostic." You chuckled lightly at your attempt at humour but it did very little to lift the stiflingly tense atmosphere of the room. Seeing the look on the Doctor's face had your confidence wavering. You had to break the silence. "Why? What's wrong with them?" The Doctor let out a sigh before coming a little closer to your bed and sitting down in the chair beside you. "What do you remember about what happened?" Your brows furrowed. What a strange question to ask. You KNEW how you got your injuries, you just didn't know what exactly your injuries were. "I remember being on patrol with Turbulence, and then some people from the League of Villains showed up....so....she sent me away to protect me. So I started running, and I didn't stop running until I bumped into one of the League members. I was....I was planning on running away at the first available opportunity but then....then he said that.....they'd killed Turbulence and....I couldn't.....I couldn't stop myself....I..." You felt the tears drip down your cheeks and onto your hands, they were a hot, painful reminder of what Turbulence had sacrificed for your wellbeing. You could deal with you being injured in the line of duty but...having someone give up their life to protect you, just for you to get injured anyway....That was something that you weren't strong enough to keep hidden. It hurt you. It was selfish of you to feel upset about her death when you were the only reason she was gone in the first place. You took a deep breath. You needed to keep telling them what happened. "I used my quirk to attack him, for a little while he was stunned. I went in to hit him and before I knew it...I was....I was on the floor. the next few minutes were a blur. All I know is that he just kept.....he just kept hitting and hitting and hitting....he didn't give me a second to even think....and then.....it all stopped...there was nothing, not even a sound. So I uncurled myself and tried to get up but....I was stuck....he'd tied me down while he was attacking me." Your fingers instinctively went to the bruises around your wrist, another painful reminder of how badly you had failed. "When I looked around to try and find him....he was crouched a little ways away rummaging in a bag I didn't even know he was carrying...he started pulling out these things...almost like surgical instruments...I called out to ask him what he planned to do to me....so....so he said that my quirk had made his ears bleed and that pissed him off so he was going to.....going to...." Your words trailed off, as if your voice had been stolen from right inside your chest. You could remember exactly what he'd said. Your mind was racing replaying everything. What chilled you the most was remembering words you didn't even know you'd heard. His voice in your mind telling you that he wasn't going to let you bleed out, that he'd 'stitch you up nice 'n' pretty' so that you could live with the pain of never becoming what you wanted to be. You turned to the Doctor, using your gaze to almost plead with him, to tell you it wasn't true....that they'd somehow managed to fix you. He couldn't even look you in the eye. He averted his gaze as he took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry but....there was....nothing we could do...you won't be able to use your quirk anymore...I'm sorry." It was as if he'd punched you in the gut. All of the air left your body. A weight descended on you, making you feel heavy and defeated. "I'll....never use it again.....it's gone....for good?" You hated how broken you sounded. This wasn't what a hero would do. A hero would shrug it off, take it as another challenge....who were you kidding? You couldn't ignore the ever-persistent voice in your head telling you that you'd never be a hero. Without a quirk you were destined to be a normal civilian. Why did it have to happen now? When you'd just decided what you wanted to be. The hero dream had finally become yours and now it was shattered into unfixable pieces. You turned your head away. No matter how much you were hurting, you didn't want them to see you cry anymore. "I understand. If you don't mind I'd.....like to be alone for a while." You don't pay attention as they leave, fixing your gaze out of the window by your bed. You felt as though the very fibre of your being had fizzled away to nothing. You were all the more aware of the aching pain in your legs, although now it felt more like an emptiness, a hollowness that would never ever be filled again. It was gone. Your quirk, your dreams, your hope, your will, your resilience...you. 

You were gone.