Sanders Sides One-shots

Zombulus

Tw: Suicide, resurrection, overdosing, crying, suicidal thoughts, suicidal ideation. Invalidating your own feelings, self harm, self harm via burning,

Btw, is it still bad to have suicidal thoughts even if you don't plan on ever actually doing it? 

Roman looked at Remy, Virgil, and Janus. The most amazing boyfriends ever. He doesn't deserve them, and they don't deserve having to deal with his pathetically dramatic ass.  

"Every thing alright, Love?" Remy asked. His boyfriend was looking at him and his gut felt wrong. His question caused the other two to look at Roman. 

"Mhm..."

Virgil, who was leaning on Janus, grappled his hand, "You sure?"

"Of course."

Roman wasn't short. He was average height and an average weight and physically, he was quite healthy- apart from the white burn marks dotting his skin. Mentally, he was a raging gay dumpster fire. And not the hot kind. It was more like some really really cold ice- the kind that was so cold it burned and numbed you. 

His boyfriends were fucking tall, though. Roman was a good 5'7 1/2. His boyfriends were 5'9 and up.

Roman looked at his boyfriends and felt numb and guilty. He knows it'll hurt them. He has no doubt that they love him, or at least think they do. They just don't understand that they don't deserve him. That he's not good enough for them, strong enough, tall enough, handsome enough, smart enough, clever enough, kind enough, considerate enough, happy enough... he's not even happy enough for himself. They'll get over him.

"I love you guys...so much..."

"We love you, too, Doll," Janus said, reaching around Virgil to run his ungloved fingers through Roman's straight silky hair. 

"So much!" Virgil growled as he kissed Roman's neck.

Roman smiled as Remy nuzzled into his hair.

He loves them so much, but this hurts...he can't do this anymore. Feeling like nothing is real, questioning everything people say to him, second guessing every decision he makes, wondering what death would feel like, wanting it all to stop, but scared of hurting his boyfriends. All of it. He's so so tired, and so so empty, and it hurts so so much...he just...can't....

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom..." he sat up and made his way to the bathroom in Virgil's room. 

Remy called after him, "Alright babe, I'm gonna make popcorn."

Roman opened Virgil's medicine cabinet. He looked at Virgil's new prescription of anxiety pills. Depressants...they slow down your heart rate....and if you take enough...it'll stop. Good. 

Will Virgil get mad at him for taking his prescription? He needs them...he can get new one's no problem...and hopefully he won't be around to see him mad...will they be enough? He's a healthy, average, boy and it's one prescribed. What other depressants are there? Oh, Remy has his sleeping pills in here (he and Virgil often share the room, so he just keeps them there.) He takes the two bottles and opens them. He dumps the tablets into his palm.

He put them up to his mouth and swallowed a bunch, but not all of them. Just as the door opened. Roman managed to get a few more into his mouth, but the few that were left were knocked out of his hands as who ever it was yelled his name. Roman couldn't tell through the distant fuzz. It's not that bad...his stomachs just felt extremely sick as his body tried to reject the overdose.