Say It (Hotch x Reader)// ✔

Less and Less

Summary:

Going back to normal life has never been this difficult, not while one single person takes up your entire thoughts.

Notes:

song title by Matt Maltese

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"I've hit another wall" Penelope says as soon as you pick up the phone, answering her call at 6am in the morning. You are halfway through the door either way, with last night's fresh batch of brownies tucked in the bag on your arm. You had been prepared to greet her the same way you had done these past few days: morning angel, I love you and I have something for you and I'm eternally grateful for what you're doing; but you change it quickly after noting her tone of voice.

"What is it, now?" you ask, pushing the door behind you closed and marching towards your car in the driveway.

" Freckles has cut off all contact with Marie in the last three years. She's been in and out of rehab for 10 years and oh, poor girl, she's been through so much."

You open the door of your car and let yourself in, gripping the steering wheel almost immediately, your rage spilling out just as quickly.

"What did he do to her, Penelope?"

She lets out a heavy sigh and you make a note to yourself to cancel all future plans and spoil her in any way you can – not only for the things she's been doing for you in secret, but also for those days in the hospital, supporting you through everything. And most definitely, for keeping your mother occupied while Jessica had sneaked in to your room to say goodbye before leaving, gifting you 25 cents over the "shared" coffee as she'd called it – so she wouldn't ask questions.

"She filed for sexual assault and stalking when she was a teen."

"Let me guess" you huff out, placing the bag gently on the passenger's seat. "All records sealed?"

She lets out a hum in response, "And I haven't even scratched the surface. You'll see when you get here" There's more typing in the background and you faintly hear noises of elephants in the background. She's opened that video she's been watching religiously, of baby elephants washing and playing in a pond.

"Latte as always?" you ask, letting your voice soften up.

"Yes please, and could you ask them to sprinkle some cinnamon too?"

"Of course," you say and turn the ignition on.

"I'll see you soon"

You hang up and turn the radio on, but it does nothing to distract you. Nothing has during all this time. Your mind has been preoccupied over one person over and over again, seeing his face and hearing his voice all around – Jonathan Reus. But at least you're good at compartmentalizing. You can go about your day as normal, and still continue to think about him. You can drive for instance, while thinking about Reus' disgusting voice playing over your head. You can even honk loudly, hurling a mouthful of swear words in every language that bops in your mind when an asshole in a Toyota Prius merges into your lane without turn signals – the blonde guy behind the wheel leering at you, freckles on his cheeks. You can order coffee all while thinking about Reus talking to his prison buddies, hushing out future plans. Simultaneously, you can smile at the bartender politely as you pick up the order, and see his smile transforming – splitting his face into a predatory grin. You can even get a panic attack in the parking lot corner, and at the same time t hink about Reus pointing your own gun at you, this time no barrier in between. It's called multitasking .