for now

.02

"I know. I just don't get why he has to be like that." I say holding the phone closer to my ear. A few days after everything happened I thought I should tell Charlie, I feel like I'm almost lying to her if I don't.

"Ivy, I've told you this a million times. He's just using you." She says, for the millionth time.

"Look, I get that, but what does he get from it? Happiness? No. Power? Maybe a little, but Kai can manipulate anyone he wants. It doesn't make sense. I just wish we could go back to last summer."

I could hear Charlie's sigh before she even did it, "You're going to keep thinking that last summer was the best year ever, but it was just a plant to wrap you around his finger. Iv, that's what he craves. He craves you wanting him so desperately while being avoidant himself. You crave the opposite. You're opposites when it comes to affection and that's why you can't seem to get away for him. It's kind of hot if you think about it."

"It's not hot, it's.. okay it's a little hot."

"Exactly. As much as it hurts you, you love it. Like you know when you have a bruise and you press down on it because even though it hurts it oddly feels so good, that's how you guys function. Two idiots who don't realize they deserve better."

Maybe it was that simple. Maybe we just both needed time to realize that we weren't going to ever work out. I mean, who am I kidding, it's a one sided relationship now. He's obviously moved on, I obviously haven't.

"I know you're right deep down, but for now, to me you're wrong. Look, it happened Thursday and nothing has happened since then, maybe it was not a trap like we thought, it could've been a coincidence. I got to go alright."

"Okay, Ivy. Wait, wait. Are you going to Riley's tomorrow? We need to go, you haven't been pretty in weeks we need to go get dressed up."

"What do you mean I haven't been pretty?"

"You know what I mean, just come over tomorrow, it'll be fun, like the old times."

I rolled my eyes and I know she could see it even though we were only calling, I agreed, might as well do something to get my mind off Kai.

Instead of moping around and waiting for him to knock at my door, I might as well tell you how it started. You know about Kai and I, but you don't really know about Kai and I. It started last summer, well a little before then. It was sophomore year, probably the worst year thus far, and I was genuinely struggling everyday. It was near May, a month before we would be let out of school for summer break when a boy walked into my class. Most people were confused, why would we get a new student a month before we go on break, but not very many other questions were asked and Kai was introduced. When I first saw him we were in Algebra 2, he walked in with a really cool hoodie and some grey sweatpants, later he would let me borrow them and I would never give them back. He had regular earbuds and some sneakers that I forgot the brand of. There were only two empty seats in the class, the one two desks to the right of me and the one all the way across the room. He sat on the ones closest to me, typical Kai. We didn't talk for days, I forgot he even existed in all honesty, I'd see him with a group of guys everyday at lunch but he would often be greeted by everyone who walked by, alike to mostly everyone we were all friendly. Our school isn't one of those schools you see in movies, we're all different in some ways, but everybody is pretty chill with one another, we stay out of each other's business and there are rarely ever any problems.

One day Charlie and I were eating lunch and talking about whatever we were talking about when Kai came up to us. He walked up behind me and touched my shoulder. He asked if he could sit next to me because all of his friends got in trouble during his previous class and now he didn't have anyone to sit with. I wish we denied him that seat.