for now

0.1

I wake up to my alarm ringing loudly. I stop it quickly and look at the time. 

6:35 AM

For a second I look up at the ceiling that has pictures plastered all throughout every potential negative space. I look at the picture from last summer, when everything was so great. I move my blanket over and stand up on my bed, reaching for that picture. I grab it and wipe off some of the dust that has made its way on our faces. It was Kai's favorite picture for awhile, he even had it as his profile picture on all of his social media. After a few minutes I check the time again.

6:46 AM

I get up and walk to the kitchen, I decided to start my day off with some breakfast, something I never do. I get a rice cake and spread some peanut butter, adding some cut up strawberries from last week. I eat the rice cakes while standing in the middle of the kitchen, staring at the stoves' glowing light. 

6:52 AM

I put my plate in the sink and wash my hands a little, and I hear my phone ring from the other room. I pick it up to see the wards number on my phone, I slowly accept the call.

"Hey Iv." Kai's soft voice spoke.

"Hey Kai." It was my first time speaking all morning, so I cleared my throat and took a swig of the drink that was on my window sill. 

"I'm getting out in 20 minutes, just packing something real quick."

"Okay." I say.

"I'm gonna go say goodbye to a few friends first alright? I'll come see you at 10-ish."

"Okay." 

"Okay." He hangs up and sit on my bed. Staring at my closet, I walk to it and look for what I'll wear. I grab some jeans this time, nice comfy big ones. I also grab a zip up sweater and a t-shirt. I walk back to my bed and throw the clothes on it, grabbing my phone and a towel, making my way to the bathroom. I turn on the water and grab my phone to put on music.

7:17 AM

I step into the shower, letting every ounce of water hit my body. I go to grab some body wash, the ivy one that Kai bought me. The water hits my face and for a moment it felt like the warmth of a hug. After awhile I hop out of the shower and make my way back to my room. I check the time on the stove once again. 

7:52 AM

Long shower.

"Mom! Are you here?" I shout and await a response, but I don't get any. I walk into my room and close the door gently behind me. I grab my clothes and quickly put them on, drying my hair I reach for my makeup bag and decide to make an effort. I stare at myself in the mirror for awhile before putting my makeup away. I rub my under eyes a little. 

I walk back to my bed and grab my phone.

8:26 AM

I scroll through YouTube when I get two texts. I go to my messages and see the messages one on the bottom and one on the top.

kai - hey, got my phone back, ill see you soon 

Luca - hope you're feeling okay. also good morning :)

I decide to not answer either of them, only looking down at the messages wondering how everything I've done led up to this very moment. 

I watch a few YouTube videos and before I know it its 9:30. I get up, retouch my hair a little and put a beanie on. When Kai says he'll be somewhere at a certain time, he's always there at that time, so I go to my couch and await his arrival.