noun: someone; a person (more so woman) who puts forth the less fortuitous before themselves in compassions of nurturing and honoring the distinct.
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ONIKA MARAJ
Cont; Need a resolution.
"Forget the question, I'm tired of playing games with you."
"I'm not playing games!" I'd had to lower my tone a few notches because I knew if I kept my aggression up, I'd get mad in the blink of an eye.
I seriously want to know what the hell is going through her head because it was confusing me and all of the unnecessary beating around the bush about what it is she wants from me is honestly starting to piss me off. It was literally a loop the conversation had been going in.
I can wholeheartedly understand the frustration she's having, but what more can there honestly be to be this damn furious with Onika?
She is tripping on me like we've been in a relationship to begin with and that's never been the case. I know Beyoncé likes me, it's no secret I have an attraction to her, but I'm in a relationship and she obviously doesn't even know what the hell wants.
Last week, it was a relationship, pure and committed. Now, it's only sex. I had all my reasons to be upset right now and even more furious with her than she is with me, to be honest. It was the main reason I didn't even want to entertain this fixation; I have no business fucking around with someone ten years younger than me.
I'm not the experiment she needs for the last time.
Before I approached her again, I took a couple of minutes to gather myself. For one, I didn't want to blow up on Beyoncé how I was itching to. It was only so long before I'd be getting the worst end of her anyway and that, I was sure of. I saw all of this coming way back when she first affirmed her "deep feelings" for me only weeks into us knowing each other.
It wasn't fair to me that I was labeled as the one doing all the wrong when I have done nothing but keep it real with her from the jump. She caught feelings, aware of what I had going on. I mean no disrespect by it at all, but that was not my problem or concern.
We walked in complete quietness, probably both thinking of what to say next. I knew what I was going to say wasn't going to be the prettiest or what she wanted to hear, but it had to be said. Beyoncé needed to learn how to commune with her finer feelings as it is and not shuffle it up depending on her mood for the day. Not only was it burdening her own self, but me too.
If it's true that that's what she's been working on over the past few days we hadn't spoken to each other, then that's great. I would even love to help her even do just that. Regardless, I was backing down from all of this extra shit.
"Bey, get this," I sighed. "I'm not saying this to be mean or insensitive, but I can't help that you caught feelings. It's not fair to me that I'm now painted out to be this big horrible person who fucked you over when I know that's not me and that's never been this type of relationship. I've said multiple times that I specifically was not and could not be the fit you needed. You can't tell me I never told you from the start and before deep feelings even came about that I hadn't warned you I was on and off with another guy.
