noun: someone; a person (more so woman) who puts forth the less fortuitous before themselves in compassions of nurturing and honoring the distinct.
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BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
Venting.
The discussion of my trauma was off-limits. No, it had been off-limits for consecutive years until I completely understood carrying that anxiety bottled up inside of me like the true cognitive dissonant I was. I waited, always until I exploded repulsively knowing all it would take was talking to someone. But talking to one wasn't always easy.
After I had the... talk with Onika, a week ago, I've been trying to bring myself to a settled mind in which way I could speak to someone about my accident. Someone being my friends, after all, they were my most trusted. But even after long days of telling myself I'd be fine and I could pull through without growing sick to my stomach, I was still feeling closed off about the topic. I couldn't bring myself to it and that was the bottom line as of now.
So, here I am, alone in my apartment, getting ready to let it all out of my system. Thank God for my laptop, because God knows I had no one to talk to in all honesty. I was trusting nothing but these four walls and open windows to head me out.
That day haunts me more than an imaginary friend to a young child. I couldn't let it go no matter how much I tried to block it out. It was always finding it's way back like it belonged in my forever rememberings. Granted I'll never be able to forget the day, but that isn't something I wanted to recollect.
I opened my laptop, using its camera as a mean for ears. One way or another, I was going to get it all out.
:What seemed like a basic Friday morning turned into my worst nightmare. I remember spending that week at my grandparents all alone so I could house-sit while they vacationed out of the country for the summer. My parents didn't mind because it only stretched that single week, where I started Sunday and would be done Friday, the day my grandparents were supposedly returning.
At the time, I was sixteen and was amped up because I knew my grandparents would reward me a lump sum after keeping everything in order. While most of my other friends were just securing their first retail or fast food jobs, I was excited I could sit around the house, knowing I'd make just as much if not more than they would for two full months.
My grandparents had always adored me, so the prize was always in my hand, being I was the favorite grandchild and only one. I adored them just as much, the time I spent with them was probably more than I spent with my parents.
I decided I'd do some final touches on cleaning the palace of a home before they arrived that evening. Top to bottom, I was in my own little world and in my zone as I swept debris here and there and wiped down surfaces. Fairly normal, as I mentioned I anticipated the day going. Only the best of the best throwbacks was blasting through the rooms, you could tell I was having fun mocking concerts with mop handles and singing into the dusters like "mics."
