noun: someone; a person (more so woman) who puts forth the less fortuitous before themselves in compassions of nurturing and honoring the distinct.
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BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
Cutting ties.
"Remind me why is she coming over here again?" Miracle blandly asks, keeping her head in her phone. It was obvious she didn't want matters to happen, but what I knew Onika wasn't going to go for was this right here.
She was the only person this far able to help me in ways no one has ever before. Cutting her off would almost mean cutting off my power, and we all know I was not the strongest link. Mindfully, not anywhere near and Onika had been that source to encourage, support, and benefit me through, willfully and cautious.
I didn't want to cut her off, of course not. Not this soon at least but I too, know I was going to have to do something about it to keep a healthy stride with Miracle and the last thing I needed was her feeling repugnance towards me. Getting that across to Onika would be the toughest thing.
"It's nearing the weekend and we usually meet 101 to go over material." I sign. "But, I don't know how today is going to go because I completely have no voice now, I think it's an infection because my larynx is inflamed and irritated."
"Well then, what's the point thereof trying to work your voice if you cannot talk?"
"I still want to try just in case." I'd put my head down, folding my legs under me. She was sitting in the recliner, directly across from me on the couch, and hung back on her suspicion.
I did want to try, more or less. I wouldn't be living up to my own word of applying myself if I didn't.
"Just in case?"
"Yes, just in case it's something I'm just looking over. I don't want to discourage myself because I'll not want to try anymore. I'm only halfway at my mark of wanting to give it all up because all the improvement I did make just feels like I failed it all after all that chaos went down."
"You brought that on yourself, Bey. There's really no other use to accuse anything or anyone else for that cause. Another thing, I think you need to be doing that on your own; working on a relationship with yourself to build up that healthy foundation between you knowing how to hold yourself up and two when it's okay to not necessarily be okay."
I'm not going to lie, her saying that as brutal as it came out did hurt me a little, but all in all, she may have been right. I remained to myself, for the most part, ready to get off the topic as she single-minded the deal.
"This is the last time. I don't want you around her because I cannot trust you around her. I'm not going to give you chance after chance either, to show your ass to me."
I drew in a breath, annoyed and upset at myself for getting us here. Miracle gave me no time to respond before she upped and paved out of the room next carrying out an empty water bottle. I thought about reaching out to Onika in general and just telling her to not come today to avoid the problems there, but that's not what I wanted myself.
