Blood Gulch
Sarge was addressing the red teamSarge: "Alright men. Donut. Since Simmons has been demoted for reasons of dementia-"
Simmons: "The tank was real!"
Sarge: "And he's been ordered by the Judge to stay at least two hundred yards away from us-"
Shadow: "Oh come on, that wasn't a real Judge, that was Donut wearing a powdered wig!"
Donut: "Over- huhem, ahuhh," he switched to a deeper voice now. "overruled. Shame on you. Hurr."
Sarge: "We are now holding auditions for the permanent position of Second in Command, here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."
Simmons: "WHAT!?"
Sarge: "And since Simmons is disqualified because of the afore mentioned cuckooness, Shadow because she just got here, and since Grif is ineligible-"
Grif: "Or because I don't wanna compete?"
Sarge: "Because you're ineligible!"
Grif: "No, I just don't want to compete."
Sarge: "Of course you don't, because you're ineligible!"
Grif: He sighs. "Whatever."
Donut: "I guess that means I get the job, because I'm unopposed, which is the same way I got "Most Likely to be Fabulous" in high school."
Sarge: "Actually Donut, I managed to find some other candidates for you to compete against."
Donut: "Huh?"
Sarge: "We've located an old wrench used by Lopez, and this skull of unknown origin. Some dirt and a rock entered the preliminaries but they didn't make it to the semifinals. Lazy bastards."
Donut: "Hyes. You guys are goin' down. In yo face wrench, in yo face! Take that, bonehead, ha ha ha, woo!"
Sarge: "You will be competing against each other in a series of gruelling events, in order to gain my attention. First up, the obstacle course, Grif! Get the alligators! Shadow! Get your arrows ready!"
Shadow: "Hmm... this might be fun." She runs off to get her arrows.
Grif: "I thought I was ineligible."
Sarge: "To earn my respect, dirtbag. You're still perfectly capable of grunt work."
Simmons: "Oh man, I can't believe this. My life was going exactly as planned. I was second in command of a marginally successful unit, I had a superior officer who genuinely cared about me, I had the respect and admiration of all my peers. That was the dream! How did it all go so wrong? How! Hahahahow!? Maybe that stupid tank was just a figment of my imagination."
As if on cue, a certain tank appears on screen.
Sheila: "I don't think so."
Simmons: "Shut up, you ruined my life."
Back at the Wind Facility
Caboose is talking to ...nobody?Caboose: "I think I will call him Crunchbite."
Andy: "Eh, that's a stupid name."
Caboose: "Uh, well I think it's better than your suggestion. Crouchosaurus?"
Ash, Church, and Tex were walking towards his voice.
Church: "Caboose, who're you talkin' to- HOLY SHIT!"
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue x Male OC / Season 4
FanfictionA bomb with a bad attitude, an alien with an epic score to settle, and after finding the sword at the wind facility, Blue team gets stuck on a quest to save the universe from an ancient prophecy of destruction. The situation doesn't look too good...